PLANKING

FML I have never ever heard of anything so absurd in my life!! But we are going to get into this- I bet we could have the best 'planking' photo's eveeerrrr!!

Ok so there is a thing called planking! For those of you that are as slow as me:

Planking: is lying down in strange places and getting photo's taken.. I have taken it upon myself to find some of these pictures for you:

'Baby Plank'

If toilets are you thing- 'Toilet Plank'

And then if you enjoy the feeling of a big pole against you- 'plank' on a big pole!

And when in doubt- 'plank out'.

Imagine:

Boss: "Why is this work not done??"

Me: Planks out on my office floor!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

But never fear- if you think this is absolutely 'redonc' there may be something out there for you too:

OWLING:

PLOWING:

Guys PLEASE do some 'planking' this weekend and tag it to Zim Socialite (Facebook)! The winner will get a thumbs up!

Think Before you Act!

I am not sure when/how/why I thought it would be a hoot to do an act in a variety show- but I did! I have tried to pull out countless times but seemingly you should never say you will do things with out fully thinking it through! Now it's tomorrow (The show) and I am having constant sweats and I have been unable to sleep for days!!

So we have come up with an act where we don't actually have to be in sync, learn a proper dance or anything like that! Sounds easy hey?
WRONG!!!
Knob scone over here said: "I have a great idea- I will go on stage and get the crowd going and jump up and down and stuff"
Easy hey? WRONG!
I am sure I have mentioned before- but when I have to public speak I forget to swallow my spit! So have to stop and glug it down and carry on- its helluva embarrassing! And now I have to talk, swallow my spit and jump around and stuff!
That is not all people!
Knob Scone over here: "I will do the shuffle!"- you know that LMFAO shuffle!
So last night I got my takkies on and waited for the song to come on!! People if I can do one and a half moves that is a lot! Shit shit shit!!!!!!!! And its not like its just 50 people- all family and friends that will clap because they feel sorry for me! No no- KSOH is doing it for 340 people! 340 effing people- that is like ALL my facebook friends- that is a lot of people!!!!!

So please pray for me- seriously- ALL pray for me!! Or feel free to donate me a bottle of Jaggi, Tequila and After shock! (Please note 'and' not ''or') As i am quite the entertainer once I have drunk enough to kill a cow/country/continent!

So if you are going- please clap sympathetically for the 'Party Rocker'! But quite quickly if you could- there is nothing worse than a slow sympathetic clap!!!!

xoxo

Are you true party people???

As far as I am concerned you are not a true party person until you have experienced a top polocrosse benda! They happen every couple of weeks in the coldest months of the year- and you have no choice but to get 'upside down'! (I shouted that in my head), and in some case this is very literal!

Let me explain a little more- so these benda's only happen when we have a tournament on- so we play all day Saturday and the get on the train as fast as possible because in my case most of the time I end up playing at 8 A.(Effing)M on Sunday morning! So what you generally have is a whole lot of people in riding kit and smelling like horses, as well as our most legendary players 23's... There are few thing unique to polocrosse benda's- one being the 'drop and role' (You have to see it to belive it)! And here is how a night can go.....

Ok so why am I telling you all this??? Because thsi weekend there is a polocrosse tourni in Bulawayo- at the Country Club and it is going to be an absolute thrasher!! Such a thrasher in fact that I am trying to get down for the Saturday night!! Not only is it a regular tourni but you will also be able to catch the Zim world cup team handing Zambia's ass to them!

On that note there is also a polocrosse golf day next Friday! Check it out on my Facebook- Zim Socialite! Best dressed teams wins a prize!!! (Thats the one I am going for! The only one I have a shot at actually)... Joke- I will win!

Living for the Weekend!

Oh to be living for the weekend is quite a sad place to be- but what a cracker of a weekend it makes for!!!

In Harare it was like the weekend of the house party- must be a moon phase or something! For me- it was the weekend of maturity and holding hands! So on Friday night I went to a delicious dinner at Fish Monger!!! Mmmmmm- the Calamari Steak went down a treat- but the order envy was almost unbearable!! I am allergic to prawns- yes have a laugh all you chops that are not!!! It is the most disappointing thing- specially when The Better Half has prawn cocktail for starter, prawn platter with extra prawns for main- I oath if there was a prawn pudding he would have had it! No picking and swapping tasters for me! But its fine- they are so ugly anyway! Cockroaches!!!

Saturday- Rugby Day!! I love Rugby! Except when the Sharks are playing like absolute tards- but for once they actually came alive.. Regained some of my faith in them- in the second half! Why leave it that late is beyond me! I did however lose faith in frozen foods!
Earlier in the day it was decided- beer, biltong and rugby! It failed on so many levels:

• Do not buy colourful drinks (Red square) just so you are drinking out of a bottle like the boys- they taste like shit and look like cough mixture!
• Don't be picky and refuse spar biltong- you will end up with TM biltong!
• Above all take note: Do not, I repeat do not but frozen chicken samoosas! I fried them- they looked lovely- bit them, disgusting and raw! So I baked them for ages- still gross!! Chicken fat/strange veggies! Not cool!

Before I go any further this is a convo I had on skype with my cuzzy:

[6/10/2011 10:06:02 AM] The Zakki: Ok cool. Will keep you posted about this weekend. I am trying to avoid tin roof this weekend!!! Shit always gets out of hand there!!! Heehee. How is work going?? You enjoying??
[6/10/2011 10:09:45 AM] Bongo: I know that place is DANGER!!!!!! I am also avoiding it forever!!!

Well after lots of arm twisting I was forced to go out on Saturday night! I walked in- first person I see- The Zakki! But he said he was only allowing himself one two litre coke worth of drink- this way he would not be able to drink the whole bottle of vodka, which is usually the case! Well I am not sure if maybe he just diluted the coke with a bottle of vodka but I have a vague memory of him doing the Lama?!!  But who am I to talk when I do the chameleon!! And in case you are wondering- yes I do have losers!!

But I hope my losers dont touch on Oompa Loompa's losers! OL is the guy who decided to pick a fight with A Friend!! If you are reading this I have some advice for you:

• DO NEVER EVER take your shirt off! You think this make you look manly and cool- in fact you look like a little McFatty running around and it may be viewed as quite the joke! I have heard the you dont have to be buff to be a good fighter- but seriously muscles must be handy...

But in any case Oopma or not, fighting is so beefed! So put the muscle away kids! Although entertaining I just don't see the point!

Hope you all have a happy Monday! (As happy a Monday as possible!)

xoxo

Nite feverrrrr!!

Apparently the 70's was all about the glitter- the hip moving and boob shake- for us it was more about the wine, the wine and the dancing on chairs/tables/each other!! And what a nite it was! Led by the hilarious Leo from Riioo (Drum rollll- and a hip thrust!)

And then we have the cast- Stevie Wonder:

The tarts:

Men please note she has to push her boob into place!!

Ok so here are some do's when going to barnyard:

• You must get there early- the drink queue's are redonc!!
• Buy one bottle of wine per girl! (Easy game)
• Get a table in the second row- and then proceed to dance on chairs! Thus pissing the people off behind you to no end! In fact even better- pick up your chairs and move them to front and centre stage! That way you are almost in the lime light!
• Try get all the old farts on their feet! The ladies are always up and dancing and the buggas just sit! So I did something about it- and the balli turned out to be a sharp rock 'n roller!
• Get more than 10 people at a table- the more the merrier... (Gate crashers welcome!! :))
• I would also recommend food- we didn't but I could have mugged a table for theirs!
• Get your boob signed by 'Leo from Rio' after the show! Bob and Loz!!

Do not howerever try and get on the stage after the show as you will get dragged off!!





All in all- so worth the moneys you pay! It was a brilliant! The sound has got soo much better!!

Newspaper Day...

When you are as mature as me Wednesdays can be useful! Useful to go to your best friends house and drink wine! Not just any wine- very morish red wine! So there we were, Mos and Squito sitting in a haze of smoke red wine in hand!
Problem: Mos has flu so could not drink wine as easily as say- me! It was like I hadn't seen wine in a year and now I have a small diff winde! But thanks goodness it was box wine firstly because I probably would have drunk the whole box and secondly because the sulphites in that stuff leads to MAJOR diff windes!!
All I can say is thanks God I got the phone call to say Tinners was too quiet!

Due to my maturity which leads to lack of stories to tell you I thought I would treat you with some of the pictures and articles I read in the Herald:

Ok so I just love the fact that 75 years ago Zimbabweans drank like their lives depended on it! :) One and a half gallons per person- not that i know what a gallon equates to but it sounds like a shit load of scotch!!! No wonder The Father has a bop!
And.................. Joke of the year!!!!!!

What a knee slapper!!
I hope you have an awesome Thursday!

xoxo

Two spoons- Mmmmmmm.

Yesterday- being a day that begins with T and a very very long time since our last coffee/lunch date- we (My mokkies and me) decided to do the responsible thing and ditch work for a bit of a 'meeting'! We decided to go the Two spoons route again seeing as last time I forgot my camera! Well people I took my camera but forgot to take photos of the food! What a knob I know! So the photos are not of our food but I will gladly describe my meal to you:

Homemade Chicken Pie- $4
It came with a big salad and chips! I could not even finish it I was so full- and it was absolutely delish!!! Salad was filled with tomatoes, feta, croutons, spring onions etc..
The Mokkie's:
Mini Pizza for The Mum to Be topped with all sort of delicious things- and quote "Fok that was good ne?"
Mos- Baked potato stuffed with cheese sauce, mushrooms and garlic!
Blondie- Same as me..
Drinks- Cokes, Waters, Frappes and Cappuccino

The Bill: $25

Can you believe it- so so reasonable! So here is a sneak peak but I recommend you go see for yourself! It's on Normandy road- if you go along Churchill you will see the sign just before 2nd street lights!

Well I hope you all have an awesome weekend!! Tin Roof? Honeybear? Polocrosse at Ruwa?

xoxo

What to do when it rains!

So I do have some form of self control people! I managed to not go out on Friday! It had nothing to do with the fact that I was quite keen to hold hands- it was pure maturity! Saving my energy for HIFA!
HIFA that I never went to because it was cold and miserable, I had no choice but to sit with my mokkies, drink wine and watch rugby (The Sharks played like balls if you missed it). Of course one glass isn't possible in this situation and for me two glasses is all it takes! Brainwave- There is a farewell at Tin Roof! (Very sad that someone is leaving us) but what a benda none the less! It was the best night I have ever had at Tinners- i think it had a lot to do with the fact that there was a sound system and the whole of The Roof was a dance floor! Such good humor!

The Highlights:

• The belter standing in mud in his very shiny shoes- really ticled my sense of humor- thought he would look like a bergie...
• Walking in- 50 and S-Dog are breaking it down on the barstools (Obvious- a good night ahead)
• The Fengend daring KHaas to lick a 'ladies' cheek! She chose so well:
• Khaas walks over- licks- and walks away. (Lots of laughter from us)
• The lady sits for a few seconds- gets up and walks over!
• "That was unacceptable and disgusting!"- Khaas: speechless. I have never laughed so much in my life- Khass just attracts the trouble- its incredible! Raw talent I say.
• S-Dog passing out in Tinners (Two chairs pushed together)..
• S-Dogs friends when someone thought it would be funny to piss/pretend piss on him!
• All the flicking hoof- Mos dancing with no shoes on!
• S-dog sleeping in some arb's 323! I am sure we saved a life!
• Going around a huge roudabout so we could get to the 'Switch up' part of the song.
• Finding 50 at Mos's house on Sunday! Innocent......

But seriously- it was just the best night- such an awesome crowd- NO lighties- and if there were it was minimal, good drinks and GREAT music... I think I have changed my regular night from Friday to Saturday..
I literally chilled for the rest of the weekend- held hands and ate goooood food! Oh ya almost forgot- I am also learning to two step a bit- I am so lucky to have the most AWESOME coach- wow! And I fully intend to break it down this weekend! LMFAO eat your heart out! Ha ha... Of course there is the regular Wednesday benda, there is the hair show at Axiom on Friday(the one with the models in Lingerie)- about to go get more info and there is a polocrosse tournament out in Ruwa this weekend! No rest for the wicked I say!

xoxo

Thought this was too cute!

PS Don't forget redemption day!! :)

Shuff-ff-ffling The END....

One more quote from that night:

Ladybird: "Where the hell are we?" - Tatty! :)

So the next day as usual we have our amazing brekkie (Its literally the meal of the day), and decide to head off to Lomagundi to join the rest of the crew. This was the beginning of the END!
So we are on our way, Shuffling to some LMFAO when Green Leader says: "Knight Rider I may need five minutes"! Yes he was very ill- that blinking 'off' wors I say...... (Mmmmm). Prior to the chanda GL had thought it wise to hook his car keys onto his pant... Not the best idea as I am sure this is where he lost them. So now poor GL is feeling like he will meet death and has now lost his, wait his mates car keys- and to make it worse the car is an automatic central locking thing!

Regardless we all sat around a concrete table at the pool and played a game of- The Stupidest Game in the World!
Rules:

• You had to call each other by the nicknames given.
• You could not move from the table. A shot of vodka was your fine if you needed the loo.
• And we played those alphabet games- the loser not being allowed to eat for the rest of the day!!!!!!!!

We had to tap out- it was going one way- some of the 'mature' members of the crew went back to Charara with such excitement- WE WERE GETTING A BOAT! One afternoon is better than nothing!

So of goes GL to get the boat in Knight Riders car- it was taking a little longer than anticipated but we didn't even notice- we sat in The Fridge (The best room ever) and had some DMC's! FINALLY the boat arrives and off we go:

GL (Now sitting in boat when we arrive): KR I am so sorry but I crashed you car. (Your Dad's car)
KR: ha ha ha- you joking!
GL: No serious bra- I crashed it.
KR: F*#k- serious?
GL: Yes seriously- I've been chemsing- so sorry.

Stop right now and just think about GL's day- talk about 'When it rains its pours!'

Anyway the sundowners were amazing- try 6 boats tied up and about 30 people- only in Zimbabwe!!! It was awesome! It was about at this time Knight Rider started turning into the squeeze!
Our last night was quite a poor effort- but given there had been NO holding back up to this point its quite understandable... We played some relaxed 30 seconds and sipped on the wine- I had heart burn for the next 3 days!

Well as you can all tell I am sure- it was a legendary tour and i just CANNOT wait for the next one!

And it is my pleasure to announce that The Squeeze was not killed on his arrival to his Dad's house as he reversed up the driveway so he would have a few seconds to explain!

xoxo

Joke of the day:

Q: What do you get when you cross a bulldog and a giraffe?


A: A dog that can bite people over the wall!

Shuff-ff-ffling Part two!

So for part two- so after we had had our massive breakfast we decided to hit the supertube at Carribia! "Did you know that Superman was born in the supertube?"- quote compliments of The Bop... As you do in Kariba- we started drinking at about 10- actually maybe even earlier. I let everyone get about an hour ahead of me- the reason being- as much as I think I can- I am no good at handling booze!
So with our supertube effort done- we headed home, plus two! Not just any two- two smalls. Yes 10 drunken fools and two children, but it forced us to eat as we had to feed them anyway. So there we are enjoying the delisoicness of chicken and off borie rolls- when who walks in?? DES- he walks in and just sits down with us!!!!


Des: "What up, what up- man its so effing hot hey"
Squito: "Ummm, well why are you wearing a jacket?"
Des: "Well how else can I carry my shit around" (Like his torches and stuff I think)


VERY AWKWARD SILENCE


Des: "So there is a thumping party on tonight in town"
The Crew: "Cool"


Another awkward moment


Des: "Please holla if you go to the thumping party."
Crew: "OK"  (Awkward)


He then jumps up and walks through our house- WTFFFFFFFFF??????? Not strange at all!


It was so way wierd we decided to go to the point and wait for the arrival of Ladybird, 50 and Johnny Blaze.. Well we were so zoned out- until they arrived- it was like a new lease of life! We stayed on the point till the sun went to sleep again and then off we went back to the cabin:


To play some EXTREME 30 SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Game One:

Left vs Right side of the table.

Winners: Gaga, The bop, Mos, Knight Rider, Squito

Report: There was a lot of in team fighting- sibling rivalry maybe? There was also a lots of shouting the wrong answers, accustations and cheating! The winners got off to a slow start but took the lead in the last 2 block stretch...

Quotes:

• "Jesus was in it"- silence-"Like the book" = Bible
• "Well we won ok, we won- so F*#K OFF" = This from the 'quiet' little Mos!

Game Two:

Every second person was in your team- thus seperating siblings- which seemed like a good idea.

Winners: TFCD's: 50, The Bop, FOMO, Squito and Mos

Report: To figure out who would get the first go we had to come up with the most DISGUSTING name we could think of- it was tough but TJCC's took it hands down- but let me just say things are not looking good for us with redemption day coming up... Specially Green Leader actually- GL developed a new tactic:

Mos: "No we got THREE"

GL Shouts: "Who the eff, what the eff, etc"

Mos: Speechless

Squito: Spilt half her drink and raaannnn!

It was so hilarious, Green Leadre is so chilled- but when he wants to be cheeky- watch out! (It was for realzies though- just tactics)

Next attempt at a tactic was 50- "The african country?" Us: "Angola" 50: "Yes"

The Protector smelled a rat- she takes the card to examine- no Angola! She knows him too well!

Quote:

50: "It ryhmes with shashishormia"...................(The answer will be at the bottom)

Anyway the game came down to a sudden death where the opposite team could choose who read- we did not even have to discuss- Knight Rider was the one, but what shocked me was that the other team chose me sha! I always thought I was quite good! Anyway KR got an outstanding 1- and we took the trophy!

I will just say one thing- 30 seconds as extreme as this takes it out of you- we had to get out of the house and to the disco- we are now souupped..

We need to disco dance! And what better place to do it that at Long Bar? The chicks were loving this plan- the guys, not so much! So they drive around as if they are going to another party- expecting a reaction! But alas we were happy with the chair, the drink and the "thumping" music. Our only error was- we only had one drink! So shortly after our arrival we had to treck back to the cabin, reload the drinks, convince the guys and grab the beginning of the end- a bottle of Amarula.

So off we all go- the chicks immediately hitting the D-Floor and the guys hitting the bar (As in just to sit on it). We get treated to The Protectors lap dance- on the FOMO! Too hilarious! I almost hung up my dancing shoes for good!

Well the next thing we get a message that we are leaving and the guys are raging!!

50: They accused us of stealing.

The Protector: What? Who? I am going to sort this out now!

50: Just leave it!

TP: No ways- this place always causes shit.

50: Get in the car- we are leaving!

Squito: No Lets go flatten them!

Piled into the car!

TP: You ARSEHOLES (SHOUTING)

Squito: Assssss hoooooollesss (Squeaking)

TP: You IDIOTS (Shouting)

Squito: You sweaty ball sacks! (Squeaking)

So we get home and someone turns to the guys:

"So did you guys steel?"

Guys look around with confused looks- "Did anyone steal??" Ha ha- but no they didn't- they couldn't!

Moral of the story?

Don't take bottles of stuff to parties and drink it on the dance floor- when there are only 5 of you on the dance floor!

So with no place to go- we had to make the most of the cabin and we resorted to a game of Catastrophic Hik Hak Hok (Some strange people call it Ching Chong Cha)

Rule- You can pull any sign you want- and the most amazing weapon wins!

Laybird: Grenade I think (Pulling a fist)

50: A genei (Open hand indicating the rubbing of a lamp)

Squito: Atomic Fart (Like that sign you pull in that punching game)

Knight Rider: Dog (The dog sign you pull when you are making a dog shadow on the wall)

Fomo: Had lost it- she could not stop laughing- "Who the ef pulls a dog signs after an atomic fart?"

Sorry i have to stop there again- so to be continued...............

xoxo

Answer: California

Shuff-ff-ffling Part One

All I can say is the past 10 days have been possibly the best ever! And guess how many days leave I took?? 4!! Gotta love April in the place. So lets talk about spontaneity- my plans for going to Mozam all came together on Thursday- I left Friday- I am literally just through the boarder on the way home (5pm) and I get a call that we are leaving for Kariba at 6am the next day! I get home at 9 unpack- rinse bikini- repack- sleep for a few hours and hit the road again. I think it best I break this story into sections, I will start with Kariba because of my rapidly failing memory...

The Crew:

The Bop,
Gaga (Aka The Blonde BF)
Green Leader ( Due to his case of major greens from the'off wors')
Mos (I'm Squito she's Mos)
Ladybird (Actually a big strong male- but it suits him)
Miss FOMO (Last one awake every night)
The Protector (For wanting to flatten people)
Knight Rider (With a silent K, also The Squeeze)
ToHH (The only Homophobic Homo)
50 (Like the cent)
Johnny Blaze

The Drive:

After waking up at 4am to get to The City- to get booze at the 24 hour Arundel Spar (or not- they just change it to normal and dont let us know), we finally leave at 7- in the sexiest black Vigo! Not to drive to Kariba- but to fly to Kariba! if it wasn't for the toll gates I think we would have made it there in 2 hours- which made for a nice change to out mozam drive the day before- averaging a incredible speed of about 50k's an hour!

• I need to commend the Bop on his incredible talent to drink Savanah! I would have 'seen death'
• But the Savanah may have been the cause of his brilliant idea to get two hunnies to flash! The Bop to ToHH quote- "I like hooter- you like hooter lets get them to flash"- so we over take- slow down- The Bop shows some nipple which means 'now you show some nipple'- us three girls in the back are now hiding on the floor- ToHH tries to have a look- thus pulling the car into the next door car- which we then discover is being driven by the girls father! Goooood one!! They also then pull into Makuti- I was so sure we were going to get followed- and given hidings! We had to park at the top to avoid confrontation..
• We arrive only to find the keys are only in Chinoyi- so we head off to 'the town'- on the way- we take a wrong turn- reverse onto a main road (well almost- we hit the curb just before). Got stopped by cops-no wait- we didn't stop- we went straight through........and then stalled!

Eventually the keys arrive so we head back to meet up with everyone and get to the point for some soup and stuff (Johnny was there) wait for the sun to go to sleep and head back to Charara- the third car had arrived- lets call her The Vehi-icle- carrying the Green leader and Knight Rider. Well talk about being on a different level- and there is nothing like a first impression! Thank goodness I had a whole weekend to redeem myself! And that is how long it took!

Night one:

There is a disco at Long Bar- we must go! In amongst a whole heap of memory loss I have one:
Walking down the road with Mos, Gaga and The Bop- and there he is- he was clearly born to save lives- its Des! "Just be careful" he hollas "There are man eating Hippo's roaming this land- in fact it is too dangerous- I must escort you"- we walk slowly but surely- "there it is" shouts Des- pointing his torch at big ass pot plant in the distance! WTF! But we managed to get escourted all the way back too- Des was even kind enough to stop and fetch his stronger torch- we tried to take advantage and escape- but he came out with a maussive torch- we were like deer in the headlights! I am not sure how long a lasted after the 'experience' but I think I took the fact that my top lip had stopped working as a good time to hit the sack!!

Do you know what I love about Kariba- the lack of hangovers- whether its because you sweat your hangover out while you drink, or the altitude or maybe you dont get a chance to hang- I love the way you wake up feeling about 70%- in Harare it would be about a 10%...

I woke up- after having top lip failure and managed to eat a big brekkie- have a cup of coffee etc.. it was awesome!

To be continued..........

PS All our meat had melted and could not be refrozen- tragedy!

xoxo

Phantom Fog...

I used to get major phantom hangovers at Uni when I missed any night- but I so thought I had grown out of it! Well I haven't- last night I went home as planned- cuddled with the Little Dog as planned- and work on my presentation for this morning (Yes I work well under pressure). I woke up this morning- I had dry mouth and my voice was croaky! What the hell, and I had to present to 25 people about body language, voice tone etc! But at least I did not smell of booze! But I did good! Cracked a few knee slappers- well I found them funny!! The other 25 just looked at me...
In any case I would rather have the phantom one than the real one like below:

In fact I dont know- because when you feel like that at least you know you had an awesome time with your mates!!! So I conclude I would rather have a real smelly hangover than a phantom- because at least you achieved something- and when you have self control like myself- you know it won't be too bad!
I have since been to the hairdresser- I LOVE going to the hairdresser- they play such awesome music- you get a head massage- and you get to hang around cool people! I am sure I am cool enough to be a hairdresser!! Anyway- while I was there I got wind of a hair show coming up- at Axiom! And my hair cut is so cool I get to wear one of their shirts! Whoop whoop!! So the other part of this story is for the men------ the hair models will be in lingerie!! So its perfect- the ladies will go to 'ooohhh aaahh' over the hair and the men to ''ooohhhh aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah' over the boobs and stuff! Its a win win!

PS its on the 7th- will keep you posted!

Well kids- I am off to Mozam tomorrow- efff yaaa!!! I am so excited to see The Family! I am going to teach my nephews to say "ass hhhhhhooooooooole"- like in meet the Fockers- I have been trying for a while but i feel these few days of alone time might be what I need- I will get a video if they do! (I so should have been a teacher)....

I have some pre done blogs that will come out so don't think I'm abandoning you!

xoxo

PS What i would do if I was here:

Friday- Its obvious- Honeybear, Tinroof and maybe TJ's later.
Saturday- I would go to polocrosse in the afternoon to watch- followed by a massive jump up.
Sunday- Probably the same as Saturday- unless HB is having a nice chilled Sunday luch..
Monday- RECOVER

Lets make some money!

Oh I love the weekend! I love and live for it actually! - ok so that was me trying to be excited! I have flu and I can barely breathe so at the moment all I am is bleak! I have tried so hard to cure it- when I first felt it coming I went to the doc and got an antibiotic- some call it hypo- I call it proactive- nipping the problem in the bud! Well it didn't work!!! I even tried to drown it- Fail. Smoke it out- Fail! So now I am left wheezing- its byatiful! But none the less I only have one life so it better just step aside- its messing with the wrong person!!

So onto the weekend- I have lost so much fitness since I moved from TJ's to Tin Roof coz I haven't danced! I need to dance or else I keep all that pent up energy in me and it makes me act like a knob! So this weekend I am dedicating myself to the Art of Dance. Tonight I intend on going to Tin Roof for a bit of a warm up- and then onto TJ's- bugga the lighties- they must move out the way for the wheezer!! I am limiting myself to about 5 units (Vodka 1, coke 1/2, Zappa 1- I make up my own units and the grading can change at any time).
I then have polocrosse tomorrow- look for me- I will be perched on the most beautiful steed in all the land (seriously she's hot) and people will be screaming for me! (I hired them :)) Then on Saturday night we have the first of our many polocrosse bendas (I am shaking I am so excited!). I love these parties because its ok  to act like a fool because everyone is! But this is a very special party- it is to raise funds for Shan Burbrige- a very special friend who had a very bad riding accident- he is doing so well and is just the most amazing and dedicated man I have ever known, but he still has a lot of recovering to do! So please please come and support the cause whilst having a major benda! There will be a DJ and nice big tent and dancefloor, food and of course lots of booze and shooters!! Oh by the way- its at Ruwa Country Club- at the most you will travel 25km's- which is so not bad- i do it every day!

So I would give her and her horse like a 5/10 and Lady and myself- like a 9/10- just to give you an idea of what to look out for! And I won't be wearing that much clothing- what a prude!

So I guess that it from me for now- I have no doubt I will have LOADS or stories on Monday!

xoxo

PS For you zimbo's who know the meaning- I used the word benda to my friend in UK:
She replied: 'Is a benda when you have sex on a horse!' WTF!!
Ha ha ha I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard!

To go or not to go???

Sean Kingston is coming to town! (Yes the real one silly).. and man do I love his music! It makes my body gyrate in ways I didn't know possible! Like a trance! I know all his songs and all the words! (ahh no! Now singing electronic music music music) But I just don't know if I trust this country to hold a proper concert! The last time I tried one I had a VERY VERY near death experience, The AKON Concert- and this is how it went:

The Journey:

26 Zimbabwean youths (Yes I still classify myself as one thank you) piled in the back of a 100 ton rig. (Ok thats a lie I am not sure on tonnage. (what a strange word))- and this truck was pimped up!! Some sort of closed sides, hay bales all around, eskie's lining the floor and of course almost the whole Dukes sound system blaring! We were off!! Like animals- screaming, banging the sides, banging the floor and of course taking soouupp! We had one Akon song- ONE- FRREEEEEEDDDOOOOMMMM!! I didn't know the words but I belted out whatever came to my mind! With a trip like this- it was going to be a gooooooooood night!

The Gate:

We arrive- the vibe is ELECTRIC! We were dancing in the car park- having some more bevies when we saw the crowd starting to migrate! My Airport Me took over (I have to be at the front, I have to be first at the baggage claim- I turn animalistic! I will even knock over old people to get there..) so there i was running up a gigantic hill- but its too late! The queue is redic! But the Airport Me can do this- so I make my own queue! It worked- but one of our men fell in battle! $600 of the big ones stolen out his pocket and I think he took some fist! NOT COOL!

The Show:

So we go in our gate and off we go down to the field thing! The excitement is too much! I am immediately 10 times more drunk than I actually am! My Pretty Blonde friend and I then notice that the only thing separating us ($50 section) to golden circle ($100) is a shitty piece of black plastic! We can do this!!! So off we go- under the plastic and then to sprint! We both got caught and tossed back out- but what we didn't realise was that the only thing separating the $15 section and us- was shitty black plastic!!! These people had bush telegraph to the tee- they all just pushed- SNAP- and we were stampeded! It was like running of the bulls but more savage! Beef Dog even ran the shoes off her feet- and had to leave them! So now we are surrounded by $15 people! Ef it mannnnn- but lets enjoy hey! So we start dancing- make a few $15 friends! We were lucky enough to see the "amazing" Winky Dee (Yes seriously thats his name- what a rock star).. Slowly but surely people went back up to the stands- all but 4! I had to see Sean Paul (His music also makes me jirate). Well (and this is not an exaggertion) he came on at 12! It was meant to be 8! And believe me when I say the crowd was helluva restless- and when I say they PUSHED- they effing pushed! Us 4 lone soldiers were separated before we could even say bye! So there I was- lost in a sea of $15 people! I was in tears- but God saved me- he sent two little Indian men- they picked me up and carried me out the jungle! I hugged them so hard I may have broken their ribs! It was now 1am and still no AKON- "Screw this" we said- over and out! We were by the gate- Akon comes on! I ran so fast my legs were a blur to me- I had to see Akon- $50 to see Winky- no thanks! Well he was a dot- and I had puffy eyes! Home time!

The bottom line is I dont think I can do it all over again! It was a once in a lifetime experience- but not like the good type- but then again look at the story I got out of it! http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/zim.socialite
Please let me know if you think I should go!! :) Even if its just for a report!

This is how Sean makes me boogie!!

Akon was the polar opposite to this:

Have a good Thursday!!!

xoxo

The stunningness of Babwe....

Apparently a few blogs back I really offended some people so I just wanted to start by saying how awfully sorry I am. I never realised how an innocent word could be made into something derogatory. So ya sorry- but I can't say I won't do it again!


FRIDAY NIGHT LESSONS:

• Buckets are better... (But keep them by your side)
• Dont dance on the table in a little dress! Oh and thanks to my mates for leaving me to do it- leading to a stranger having to tell me to step away from the table!!
• Zim needs two bars- the Roof was soooo packed!! Which makes my actions waaay more embarrassing.
• I can stand on one leg and put my finger on my nose at any time of the night, I therefore think I am sober and drink more! (Yes I do tests on myself) But I have now trained myself at this one so its no longer a true reflection of my state!
• I am helluva talented at putting myself in the crapiest situations! I am now hanging my boots up and sticking to myself and My People- incase I get my head scissor kicked off my body!

This weekend was dedicated to family- I am now a Fairy Godmother! I am so happy- and I am going to be the coolest one that ever lived!!! The first thing I have to do is try and get my godson to love me- instead he walks passed me, points, greasies me (The meanest greasy ever) and says- 'I don't like you!'. I have tried everything- saying it back, bursting into tears and negotiating a truce- he will have none of it! Not only that- I wore a frock, a little purple one- and he still looked at me and said "you are not a girl"! (Its the short hair and flat chest I think). Anyway- we do have our cuddly moments- few and far between but they worth it.

We had the family christening at Bushman Rock- it is so stunning- I took some snaps for you! If you are ever looking to get out of town for a bit- take your lady somewhere special check this out:

There is also plenty of game out there- so you can go on game drives, game rides, learn some polo and of course there is 'the dam'! It is just so picturesque- you must go! Call 0712365392 for more info!

Over that day.....

Pheeww- I am so glad yesterday is over! I have never been in such a foul mood in my whole life! Of course only having a couple of hours of sleep doesn't help- in fact it is probably the cause of the mood! No wait!! It was just the losers...

As i said on Facebook Tin Roof once again rocked- it was a bit of a different crowd this time- quite a bit older- like say 35ish- which is an awesome thing because now I know I don't have to grow up for quite a while! So like I said in my last blog my night started with a fabulous dinner at The Friend with a Laughs house- it was sooooooo delish!! Green Thai curry, spring rolls and many a drinkie! With a start like that this was going to be a good night! Stomach lined, My Friend with Nice Boobs and I set off for the Roof! Excitement off the charts- I am addicted- so much so that I get a back to school feeling when I have to leave- unluckily for MFWNB- she ends up sleeping in my car!!! Bwa ha ha! Sorry MFWNB- I promised I would stop paying people to convince you to stay longer and I stuck to that! :)

I think the turning point was with TFWL and the Pommy friend arrived! The Pommy friend is just way to funny- I clearly remember her modeling along the bar- grabbing the back of a chair- flicking her hair and shaking her ass and modeling back!!! WTF- I had to try- but I had to do something even more awesome- I am not telling you what I did, but I thought I was pretty cool! She looks at me- as in a 'what the hell was that' look- and off she goes again! This went on for a while- I retired- The Pomm has wayyyyy to many moves!

So these are some of my lessons:

• Lining the stomach only prolongs the all fall down- which in turn means much less sleep!
• Zambucca is the devil! But so awefully tasty!! They should make a Zambucca flavoured Super Moo.
• Do not drink a shooter that consists of Apple Sourz and Amarula- it is the MOST revolting thing I have ever tasted- its like rotten milk with lumps of flour in it!
• Worst pick up line EVEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR! I am such a knob!

I look, I see and I walk on over! Its two guys- I know neither of them:

Me: Hi is you name Ant?? (Breaking the ice with The Not Hot one)
NHO: No, sorry.
Me: Oh ok you look like someone I know.
(I then stand there arbly)
Me: What you guys up to.
Hot one: Having a few drinks.
Me: (The penny drops that I am an actual idiot) Have a nice night!

FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would be so embarrassing if I met and actual famous person- I met a guy who looked like Daniel Radcliff:

          Me: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyy (Very squeaky)
          DR: No I'm Tom..
          Me: But you have an American accent and you look like him.
          DR: I come from America.
          Me: Are you sure you aren't Danny and you just needed a break so you are hiding out in Zim??

And so it went on- and I can go on! I called him Danny the whole night!

• Eros (Greek God): he was often shown as a beautifully-formed, full-grown man.... I think I know him.

So its Friday- hoorrraaaaayyy for Fridays! The plan so far is to go to Honeybear- I miss Honeybear- Followed by some Tin Roof! Who can make these sorts of prediction at this time of day, but thats is the plan.

On Saturday I am off to the lovely Bushman Rock- I am being made a God Mother of the cutest, naughtiest little boy in the whole world! I am so excited!! There is of course, the Cricket World Cup- so no doubt Saturday is going to be awesome! Tin Roof will be screening the game on their big screen, followed by a jump up, and this week Honeybear will be doing something special: A fundraiser, its $5 to get in, there will be specials on their food, shooters girls as well as a live music! Whoop whoop!! So I might have to just do both- one half, one half...

For now thats me!
Have a fantastic weekend- be safe!!

xoxo

Clappem? Sasha? TJ's?????

Ok so look at these pictures below! Do not read the text before you have had a good look!

Awesome club??

There is this group of friends- lets call them The Goats! They were previously disadvantaged purely by location- they come from a land far far away- a total population of 50 people max- 5 of those are chicks!! A few years back they began their migration to stake their claim of the capital city.... How?? They party, play sport and all the good things- but what they do best is throwing a good Goat party! But I fear I may have missed the best one of all- as the pictures above show.......

You: WTF??
Me: Yes that is their lounge converted into an insane dancefloor!
You: No ways-I don't believe you, you lying toad!
Me: Look here:

And thats that!! So if there is a lesson I have learn't this is it:

• If you are going away- make sure, and make sure again that you are not going to miss a goat party..

So hurrah for hump day!! Of for a girls dinner (All I seem to do is ladies lunches, dinner, nights- Hmphhh- Jokes My Ladies I love it!)- and then hopefully if I haven't drunk enough wine to kill a small nation I will be hitting Tin Roof! Oh and another hurrah for tomorrow starting with a 'T'- time for a nice lunch!
I hope you all have an awesome mid week jump up!!

xoxo

Monday Blue's

Oh I hate Mondays!!! I am always in pain on a Monday- no no not from a hangski Goat- from polocrosse!! Gosh!! I just don't think it's worth it! But enough of that! Lets talk about the weekend!! Ok so I do have a limit and I do get tired so this may possibly be my most boring blog thus far!

Friday- I left work early- I was so tired and I had worked soooo hard all week and I thought I deserved the arvy off! (My boss was away- I hope he doesn't read this! :)) So this was my plan: Go home, Cuddle with The Little Dog and sleep all day and all night! But The People phoned and I missed The People very much and had to catch up!!! So I ended going all the way back into the city! ........ Tin Roof PUMPED- and that's an understatement! All the cool people were there! We had tha 'Bushman' from Marondella's dancing on the tables, The Ladies night in the corner and much much more! The way that place has boomed is chronic- but lets hope the ankle snappers don't take over! :) I would say from the ages 22 upwards- this is the place to go! I tried to catch some of the atmosphere on my phone but I wasn't very successful- my camera doesn't have anti-sway!

I LOOVVEEE the decor:

My Lessons from The Roof:

• Don't park on the edge of the line- some mofo will crash into you car and drive away! If you are reading this- i hope you stub your toe really badly!!
• You have to choose- cane or vodka- not one one!!! Or else you start talking about tea and useless stuff like that! (So embarrassing I can't divulge anymore info)- maybe when i know you better!
• Always stay at a place if its pumping- we did a round Harare trip to go to TJ's- saw the drunkest person in the whole world ever outside so turned around and went back! While we are on this point- My People if I ever get as drunk as that person in the car park- please take me straight to hospital to avoid embarrassment and injury! But I am happy to report that they got bounced!
• When a guy shows you his sound system- you must say  "oooohhhhh aaaaaaahhhh"! (I am actually talking about a sound system- not being hypothetical!!!) Ha ha
• When something comes around once a year you must go- even if you are going to be late- The Touch Bowl was reported to be 'Messy'! Messy is good- and now I am sad I missed it! :( (And don't worry about being the most sober person there - yes that was one of my worries- I work well under pressure.)
• I must stick to The BF's rules!!!
• I like sausage, but I'm off Chops! (Thanks to The Pom- brilliant!)
• This feeling I have right now- is why you must push yourself- you only live once!! :)

I am afraid to say the rest of the weekend was spent on the back of a horse!!! (Sigh) At least I can say the- The Young Belter took a tumble- I hope TYB gets better very very soon- he is playing like a rockstar! BUT the good news is I have now recovered!!! So this will be the last boring blog for about a month- I think I can handle a month- my bank can't but I'll sell a horse or something! :)

Have a good day people!

xoxo ( I laugh every time I do that)

Hungry for Lunch? Or just a coffee??

Well yesterday I was in need of both- so I called 'My People' and we met at The Olive. (We often do this on days that start with a 'T') Wow- is all I can say- I took some photo's to try make it real, but it doesn't really do it justice- and the service is possibly the best I have had in ZW:

Inside and outside seating!

Need I say more??

Guitar Hero- rock star!

I woke up on Saturday morning- I wanted to cry! I could not talk and I could hardly move my neck- and to make the day a little more magical it was the most miserable day ever recorded in Zim. (In my books anyway)…

No voice- sore neck?? Why? Well Evicted played at TJ’s- they are so so brilliant! But for some reason I thought that the louder I sang the better I sounded- and the harder I head banged whilst playing the air guitar- the more of a rock star I obviously was- but to be honest I have nothing on the Blonde Friend! JF you are a monkey person! Evicted you are AMAZING!!!!!

In any case- as we did last week we started at Honeybear! I just love that place- I think it’s my favouritest place (no 2^nd behind Crossways in Hilton!) and apparently the food is awesome (the Portuguese Chicken is the front runner)- I unfortunately usually skip Friday diner and settle for some crisps or popcorn! No one likes a full stomach on a Friday! :) I clearly remember saying that it is not a good idea to go out to TJ’s too early- it was a rookie error- bad news etc! People I did it again!!! This was the last time- I am now ignoring those antsy feelings and enjoying the here and now! Anyway as always TJ’s was awesome by 12 (I think that’s little people curfew and Honeybears closing time), and like I said before Evicted rocked- they played outside on the beach- but the 'dance' dance floor was still pumping inside- so it was a 'best of both worlds' situation. 

There is a NEW PLACE IN TOWN!! Tin Roof- its behind Triton Gym and apparently has a brilliant vibe- but I am yet to go but I will make a plan this week…

Well now for the personal stories! I have cut my hair off- like boy short off! I love it but this is how it went:

Al: Hi Mr Italian (Probably batted my eyelids, thinking I was extra cool)

Mr Italian: (Looks at me smiles sweetly) Al don’t worry in three weeks it would have grown a bit!

Al: (Stands in shock- usually has the quickest tongue. Walks away)

The replies I could have come up with!!!!(arrgg) But the brain was recovering from the head banging!! I was now leaving- with a very angry pixie look! And then there they were- two of the most fabulous people ever- my new BF’s! Two gay Croatian men! First of all they loved my little black number and my hair! They said I was way too stylish for zim! (Just what I needed)- and to top it off we had the same taste in men judging by the guys bums they chose to pinch! I got cheek cramp I laughed so much! These  guys- Mr Short with some fabulous makeup on- pinching these Rhodies bums- the reactions were priceless! I really hope I see them again!

Mr Short: Wow these Zimbabwean men just want to drink- I have never seen people drink this much in my life!

On Saturday as tired as I was I had two places to go to- first was a Glastonbeanie party! The outfits were brilliant- I hate not being dressed up- especially when I realized how cool the theme actually was!! Crazy poms I tell you- but the ‘social butterfly’ that I am I also had to go to the Arabs housewarming which was bought to an abrupt halt when The Arab crashed The Arabs BF’s car!!! Oooopppss!! Shame- and he was just being kind by taking someone home! Sorry The Arab- you will have to have another!

Here we have THE GlastonBeanie! Gotta love the braces, little shorts but above all the wellies!!! (See Below)