Pregnant- say what???

So I thought I would start my mothery story right from the beginning!
My Lover Man and I were living separately- him in beautiful Mutare and me in the 'big city lights'- we used to alternate weekends, which was hard but we were madly in love! Ok actually are madly in love!!

From now on my 'partner' will be referred to as MLM (My Lover Man)- because I cannot stand the word partner!! Partners are for business and stuff, not a baby daddy!!

On this particular weekend it was my turn to make the big trek to the hills! I arrived there quite late on Friday evening and to MLM shock and horror I still wasn't having PMS! (I am such a bag he keeps track of these things)
Two negative and two positive tests later (we were dithering wrecks) we decided to just go to hospital for a scan! Low and behold the scanner dude announced "yes there is something there, you are 6 weeks pregnant!".... Delighted/shitting load/ laughing /crying all at once!!!!

Rewind a few weeks---- now I obviously have no idea that I am preggo and you will never guess what I did???
I bought a whole new bed! One of my preggi side effects (even that early) was hips so sore I thought I may have to get them replaced! But instead of taking the drastic measure straight out the box I bought a new bed just in case it was from my mattress! #biggestwasteofmoneyever!! I also couldn't understand why I kept almost fainting off my horse!!

Anyway unmarried and whatever we were still over the moon! We are both fashionable people and we noticed everyone doing it this way round so decide to give it a bash.
Delighted!!!!---Until we realised we had to break it to the parentals!! F*#@^*#K

Picture this- we are on the way to my folk's house and MLM says "Babe please please just let me do the talking hey"- "Of course I will!" (He had to say it a few times because I have a nasty habit of doing all the talking!) So we all sitting in the lounge having small talk. MLM is procrastinating and he is shitting himself so much, his hands are shaking, he's fidgeting, going from pale to flushed and back again- I just couldn't do it so just shouted "I'm pregnant", like turrets case. Mum obviously just delighted... Dad on the other hand is silent- MLM is so pale by this stage. Dad then gets out of his chair and walks across to the drinks cabinet, I think he's going to pop some champagne or something, MLM thinks he is going to get a bottle to smash over his head! It was neither- he was just letting the news settle in and was chuffed in about 5 minutes- MLM was panting by then!

Well that's all for this time folks! (Still a bit rusty) Can't wait to share more of this magical time with you in my next blog!

Over and out! xx

Up and Running/Walking

Oh my gosh it has been some time since I did this!

Yesterday I went back and read a couple of blogs I had written- it was fantastic! But at the same time it was so shit scary realising how much life has changed in not such a long length of time!
I have made a drastic change from number one party animal to Mum that quietly sink a few bottles of wine every now and then! It would be a lot more frequent if I hadn't developed a hideous allergy to wine! I still drink it but OH MY the hangover!!!! Not sure if its the sulphur in the wine- or that flipping thing called age!

So seeing as I don't have the best imagination I have decided to steer my blogging away from those big city lights-mmmmmm #harare! But actually nothing much has changed in that sense- kids are still getting tanked at the Roof! Just not with my awesomeness!!!
I am now going to impress you with my stories of being a mother in this lovely place!

Basically I have gone from entertaining meatheads and meathead behaviour to being one of those people that fuel the arguments on Bhamba Zonke about the ridiculous behaviour!! JOKING!!! But you get the message right!

Watch this space!! :)

Peace out! x

Been a While!!

And how long has it been! Sheesh!! I am sorry to all my avid readers (about 5 of you)- I started a new job (And you knew that- because you are my family and best friends). Its an amazing job and I am happy to say I actually love getting up to go to work- I didn't even think that was possible!

Do you know what also happens- life changes- like you get a man and suddenly a nice dinner tastes better than a shot of Zappa! I on the other hand have not changed- I may have stopped filling my veins with booze- but like me as a person! I would still choose a Zambuca over a meal any day! I realised this last week at the one and only Tin Roof!! It was like a trip down memory lane- just way better decor and much more stable tables!
I went there to take part in the Skyy volley ball shin dig- and of course got out of hand! We had Skyy vodka shooters before the game- Jaggi's after, all whilst supping a bev all day! Needless to say we lost the volley ball! I am not actually sure 'lost' is the right word! Effed up is probably more suitable! 15-0 (Yes that's Fifteen Orro) and 15-9 in the second game! I think if we had made it into the third round we may have won a game!! The only problem being- one player was passed out in her mans car (snuggled up to a bit of sick) and the other went so pink/red she had to go home! I am not sure why- but that place has these effects- LOVED it!

Never mind the Fomo I then got and had to attend another 'lumo' benda! I clearly remember someone painting my face, tummy, hair and saying don't worry its washable! Then forgot to say jokes!! I the had a jumping (horse type) the next day (The boss was in attendance) and I had a huge yellow (paint) streak in my hair! I eventually had to pull my hair out!! ( I could have created that saying right there)

Anyways- I have so many stories and will try doing a blog once a week! I miss it!

Wait I have to share a quick gym story!! I started gym last week- mother effer I see those pearly gates every time I go!! I always wondered why gym kit is all black! Its simple!! Because any other colour shows up sweat- and there is a lot of that when you are so tired you see the gates! So so embarrassing, I am stretching like a ballerina staring at myself in the mirror! Boom- sweat patches where I didn't even know you could get sweat patches!! CRINGE!!! I ran out of that gym (which was close to impossible)

xoxo

Its about the team!!

I have that shitty back to school feeling- my boss is coming back and have have possibly achieved less than a fish out of water! Not because I am an underachiever- I am far from it- but because there is literally nothing for me to do here! Hence blogging! So here I am instead of doing things so I can pretend I did something- blogging!
I am yet to inform you on my 'acting/dancing/drinking skills' but I am still unable to talk about it- and I still have heart burn! Its been almost a week! I am also hoping to get some pictures of it first...

So I thought I would inform you of what I am up to this weekend! On Friday I will be holding hands in hope of my heart burn going away- and having the most insane sleep in! In the Frreee-eeffiinngg-zziiinngg weather all I want to do is eat and sleep!! (I hope its still cold!) All whilst of course supporting the Zim Polocrosse team whilst they clash with USA in Uk! Go BABWE!!!
After I have slept the majority of Saturday away I am hoping to throw a frock on- and my huge bomber jacket over it and head off to Borrowdale race course! With my man in tow? There I might possibly spend all $10 I have left to my name on one horse- hopefully win $100 back ---- and then get snotted!

Sunday Sunday Sunday! The day of rest- for me is a day of getting bashed around on my horse- which is the best way to get rid of a hangover- tried and tested by many! After which I will be opening a nutter and waiting for updates from our fellow Zimbo's in UK as I am sure Zimbabwe will be in the World Cup Final- either against SA or Aussie! This is huge guys- it only happens once every four years!! If they win- I will once again get snotted... (I know too well this is all a dream- I find it impossible to drink two days in a row so if zim get through Saturday will be booze free!!!!)

These guys have mad skill- My Skin Langarm and Crunch The Goal Machine!

So smart!! Sponsored by Johnstons!

I will keep you all as updated as possible on the scores- and then you can have a nutter too!

xoxo

240D Baby....

On my way to work today I saw something that literally made me laugh out loud for ages...


Please note the padlock- I am not sure of it's purpose besides looking totally AWESOME!!


A Mercedes Benz 240 D!!!!
Why is it so funny? Because it was my first car! Mine however- unlike this piece of shit car- was golden metallic in colour and it went like the wind!

NOOTT!!

But I loved it and thought I should share some of my best memories I have of her:

• When I first laid eyes on this car- I knew it was love but I had just got my license and my mum was not 100% on my ability yet! Pppffft I thought, so had a giant sulk until I was allowed to go to Greendale.. So off I went and now picture this-
• The springs on the right of the chair were collapsing! No actually they were collapsed, so my right bum sat far deeper. I also had to pump the clutch to change down, which happens to be the left leg- but the point was- I was totally in control of my destiny! So there I zoomed at about 40k's an hour- totally unbalanced, pumping my clutch- but with the fattest of smiles in my face!
• Firstly these 240D's are bloody huge- Once I was able to fit 9 friends into it! (sure some were in the boot- but that's the thing the boot is just as big as the back seat)
• Driving along thinking- 'Why is this helicopter following me?'- eventually stopping to see if it was trying to land on my roof, only to realise I had in fact had a blow out and felt nothing! My tyre now in shreds!
• Having to build up internal fuel energy to overtake people- only on a downhill though people! Forget the flat road and up hills.
• So ol' Goldie was quite temperamental and sometimes I would come out of classes and she would just be too tired to start.. You can try pushing a 240D but let me tell you- you will fail! They are like army tankers! So i had to park next to a friend everyday just in case I needed a jumpstart! Which was actually most amusing in the beginning as we didn't know you could let the two thingy's touch once the other end is connected.

So i am quite glad i didn't end up with old turquoise up there- Goldie was just perfect!!

Wait till my stories on my next car- The Langa!!!

xoxo

Mouths of babes...

So I went to Nyanga with my family this weekend- it was so amazing! I think it may be my favourite place- cuddles or no cuddles it is so peaceful and stunning! All I did was walk, sit, eat, smoke and drink wine! (I am quite talented at all of that except walking!) And I also discovered that fly fishing is NOT for me! How?

My Daddy sets up a rod for me but dash's off (I think this was so that he would not have to teach me). I also noticed once I got down to the waters edge he paddled his boat just far enough away so he could act like he couldn't hear me swearing, carrying on and of course the one million questions I had about fly fishing! I now realise I would have done the same.
So there I am- this long bendy rod- three different types of line- flicking it back and forward! You can't even let the line go like 'casting' so the stupid fly is landing by my feet!

Daddy then hollers from the other side of the lake: "10 to 1 child, 10 to 1 and its not a wrist action- use your whole arm."

Being the obedient child I am I start flicking my arm from 10 to 1, the fly is now landing about 2 meters away from me 10cm deep water! But I won't give up- only because I am so sure I am going to catch a huge fish (Beginners luck) so I get the dumbest idea ever!!!! Take off my shoes, hike my tracksuit up and treck to a little rock in the dam! Well to say that it was cold would be a lie- it was so effing freezing I am still struggling with pins and needles. So there I was- fly fisher of the century- standing on a rock flicking my arm 10 to 1, my fly now landing about 4 meters in front of me in about 40 cm deep water!
Then the worst thing ever happened- my fly hooked on a weed thing! I pulled and pulled- NOTHING!
I had to get into the water to get the fly!!!!! I was done, done, done and walked home shaking and muttering! What a stupid sport!!!!! You can't even have a beer while fishing because you can't just throw your your line out an chill! So whats the point??? The fish are smaller- the admin is higher! I am cured from that type of fishing!!!
Next time I go fishing there this is how I will check:

Ok so other than that I went on many adventures with my nephews, played some poker and like I said drank some wine!!!

I just wanted to share some wise cracks from my nephews (3 and 4 year olds)

• Sits down heavily, "Arg I am soooo buggad"
• L: "Where are the others?" Me: "Fishing" L: "No the dark guy" ( The cook)
• L: " Arg I couldn't sleep, you guys were so noisey" (Think he has heard the adults say this before)
• Words learnt (I eventually had to explain that anything that came out of my mouth was not to be repeated! "Dumb ass" and "Poophole".

Ok well have a good Monday people! I will be spending my week practising for my act this weekend in the Variety Show!! (Ef)

See a couple more Nyanga pics on my Facebook wall- Zim Socialite. (This might help you understand why my fly getting stuck in the water was the end of my world as I knew it)

xoxo

The new leaf....

For the last 25 years I have struggled in the mornings- I CANNOT do them... I have tried everything even putting my phone out of my reach which just lead to the:

Leave the alarm and pretend its nice soft music approach.
Or the get up turn it off and get straight back into your bed approach. (I realised I actually quite enjoyed this one and had such a good sleep once I had snuggled back into bed)
And I assure I look nothing like this:

By 9 am there is some definite similarities though!!
I have also learnt to snooze my phone without as much moving my head- talent I know! So basically every morning I would max out my snoozes- and say to myself "just have a 5 minute shuteye"- wake up half an hour later and be late for work! Well on Monday I received an email after doing the above:

All staff are reminded that your start of work times are as follows:

Monday to Friday – 8.00am

Saturdays – 9.00am

This means you are expected to be at your workstation ready to start work by that time. While difficulties can be faced in getting to work incidentally it appears some staff are becoming more and more habitually late and this will not be tolerated. This will now be put on record.

Your absence from your workstation is essential and if you are tardy in this responsibility it has a negative impact on the whole team.

Please get yourself to work on time!

I urge all staff to take this memo with seriousness.

Many thanks

(Copy and pasted in)

Ok so I was like 'Oh shit- I really deserved that!'- then the mind keeps turning and somehow I end up a bit pissed off! I had discussed the long journey I have to work with my boss and he said it wasn't serious if I was late- they didn't know it was because my phone was snoozed out! So off go to confront this 'biatch', I am all pumped up and have lost some sleep over what i am going to say!

I walk in sit down and say-
"With regards to that memo- please approach me in person in fut.." (She cuts me off)
"No Bongo- that memo wasn't for you- that's why the subject read 'For you Information only"

Oh well what an ass- I thought it said that because it was only for me!!

The thing is the one morning when I thought it was for me I learnt something- because as I do I took things too far and arrived at work before 7am (OVERKILL)- but realised how nice it was to leave work an hour early! I have done it for 2 days now!!! So as a person I have turned over a new leaf! I now have a Roxette song as my alarm tone:

"I said hello you fool- I Love you!"

On top volume!

Me: 'Hello hello - whats going on??" - Get out of bed in a complete panic! "Ha ha tricked you now get up you lazy fart"

And its not all that bad- effing freezing- but so worth the extra hour in the arvy!

Happy hump day y'all!!!
xoxo

Cheaters never Propsper

Friday night:
Honeybear, Axiom and Tinners! (Great for a mature lady!)

Memorable moments:

Dancing Girl to Bentlegs: OMG come dance its so fun.. (Something like that)- turns around and carrys on dancing...
Bentlegs to me: Who says OMG- just say the words. OMG LMFAO (Doing the hand actions and all)
Dancing Girl: Don't talk about what I said when I can still hear you!

FML did I LMAO!

Then another thing that tickled my sense of humor was watching a guy who wanted to have a fight get up almost fall and then walked into a car! Good luck with that one mate!!

Anyway- I thought it was a normal night on the town! I was quite pleasantly surprised by Axiom by the way and may even go back there when it's not half term! I think I was the oldest (or very close to) person there!

I had to work on Saturday and I was hanging like a dog ball- it is not recommended- especially when you know you are going to be driving around a lot- with someone else in your car! You know when you know that chanda is coming- but there is no ways you can let it happen! 4 hours of that feeling!
Until I cured myself with an ice lolly- I was so excited to eat it I couldn't even wait to get to my car! So picture it- there I am sucking this lolly and pushing my little trolley (The ones with two baskets) when BAM!!! My trolley hits a pothole just as I reach the top of the trolley path- the pothole consumes the front wheels which caused the trolley to flick forward- taking me with it!! Groceries everywhere- running down that trolley path, under cars- BUT- I still had my lolly as well as a monster bruise!! OMGHE! (How Embarrassing)

Anyway- on Saturday let me just start with this:

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Love it!!

And after that (and a whole lot of nutters) came the game of Pictionary!
Boys vs Girls.
Winners: The Girls! If it was a horse race- it was like a win by 100 lengths!
And I proud to say we did not cheat once!! Our opposition on the other hand (I only found this later):

So yes we won and they were writing the word- that is how insanely fast us chicks are- we drew and guessed a picture before the boys could write and read one word!!!

I am dying to hear all the stories from Bulawayo (I think)- possible PPD that may need treatment though!

People conserve you energy this week!!!

Friday: Polocrosse fund raiser at Coutry Club (Heard Evicted might be playing) As well as Vilmsa at reps!!
Saturday: Barefoot Beerfest!!

Check out my profile for more info...

xoxo

Laughter- the best meds!!!

So I have done a couple of blogs about my driving experiences- but this morning I had one that topped them all!
I woke up nice an early- small lie, I always exhaust all snoozes and then rush like hell to get to work! So this time I am not coming in from the Ruwa said but from the other side of town and let me tell you something- the people that drive in from 'that' side of town are as thick and pathetic as the ones from 'my' side, but this is all totally besides the point!!!

So when I first went to 'that' side of town I was told:

"Never stop on this road, there are highjakers. If you have to get out your car and hide in the grass"
(And I'll have you know I think I actually saw them sitting round a fire in the grass waiting for an innocent victim)

Ok so I am tootaling along the road as I usually do when I realise I am getting overtaken by those rustic style cars that are about to fall apart! I am however in 5th gear and my foot is flat! Simple- I change down, but there is none of that usual kick from when you change down! I am literally going slower and slower!

My Head: "Oh eeeffffff I am going to get highjaked!"
MH: "Just take your camera and run for your life- the car is a piece of shit anyway"
MH: "Who shall I send the goodbye text to"
The Phone: "Battery very very low" (From all the snoozing I had to do this morning)

So I am going up this little hill at about 5k/h praying that my camera doesn't get stolen when I see that I have reached 'the almost end' of 'THE ROAD'!! Relief- such relief in fact I start laughing so hard I was crying! My car had died- but never fear as I am a woman of many talents!! I revved the shit out of the car until ppoooooooffffff a cloud of black smoke came out and the revs went back to normal!!! What up?

So off I go at a more decent pase- through the deadliest of parts and into the industrial sights! Now this traffic just knocks the socks off any other traffic- big trucks, big busses (That think they are small and quick) and some bozzo's of note! I am constantly swapping lanes to try get the into the fastest one and noticed a borehole rig that seemed to be pushing his way quite nicely through the traffic- so i tailed him all whilst trying to push a pushing in bus off the road! And this is where it got me:

Ok so clever dick got stuck! What happened was the borehole rug thing rolled back, but like far back, what a freaking idiot! I hooted until my hooter sounded ill and unfortunately the cheeky bus got hit! I was so close to getting hit that I could not move an inch forward and I had another car up my arse! What can you do but laugh hysterically and make all the cars around you laugh too- again I found myself crying with laughter! (Which makes for a nice change to my normal traffic behaviour!)

So there you have it!

Have a good Thursday!!

xoxo

Ps I got wind that the Sharks are on top form and ready to hand Bulls their bums!!!

Near Death- but back to life!!

You nearly lost me- it was so close in fact that I saw the light- and I am happy to say it looked bright!
How did it happen? I was in a rush- in such a rush in fact that I was packing my bag- making coffee and eating brekkie all at the same time- and this is where it happened! I opened the boiled egg and shoved a spoonful (A big one- because I was in a rush) into my mouth and swallowed................................. It was the most REVOLTING thing I have ever tasted! I started mock charging but calmed myself by stuffing Quality Streets into my mouth! It helped- or so I thought! Anyway I ended up in the doctors room trying to explain to her that I was about to die! She said I wasn't! She has no idea how I felt- just because I had no temperature and my shaking looked fake! Judgmental I say! But I did have to have an injection and I didn't even squeal/faint/cry- mainly because the nurse looked like she was quite capable of muder! So I took it like a woman, but cried like a bay when I left the doctors room!
But luckily I am what some might call a legend/hero because although I almost died in the morning I still made it to Barnyard! Well to be honest I didn't feel up to it- but I had paid a $30 for the ticket and at this stage that is a small fortune so I was going!! (It might have had something to do with the fact that I also wanted to hold hands!!) I went and conquered- not only a bottle of wine and a box of smokes! I also conquered that dance floor!! Oh wait there isn't one- so we made one- on our chairs right at the front! Not annoying at all for the whole hall of people behind us!! But we had paid $30 (A small fortune) so we couldn't give a rats to be honest!

Anyway the actual show was just brilliant! I will put some photo's up tomorrow with a whole separate blog! I have been to a few barnyards here- but this I must say came out tops! the second row is the best place to be- the sound was on a whole new level compared to the last one- and Leo from RRIIOO rocked out the hosting! So once I have got the pics I will give you a detailed account of the show and our behavior!!

The rest of the weekend I played polocrosse- if you can call it that!! I was more on the trotting around like a lost fart side of life! But at least the last game was better! I have realised one thing about myself and I think I learnt it from Lady (My horse) No commentator and crowd = No play!

Here's some stuff I found around and about:

Be me-ish! Ha ha- JOKE!!

Have a good Monday! *sigh*...... I HATE MONDAYS!!!

xoxo

Apologies - and a sneeze!

People I am sorry I have not blogged in for like ever! (It has nothing to do with holding hands!!!!!) I have been pretty busy as work--Ok that is a lie! My job is still as boring as hell but I have been very busy trying to find another job and/or building an empire! All whilst holding hands- so imagine how busy I have been!

So with all my excuses comes a story- a story of my interview this morning! I get so excited to dress up, put my face on and at least look like I am taking over the world- so that is exactly what I did! And then the nerves hit:

I inhale my brekkie, coffee and a smoke almost all at once and I am off! Driving like a crazy person because obviously I am in such a rush! I always believe in arriving half an hour early. (Over The Top to say the least I know!!) I am now in Chisi and the shitteth hitteth the fanneth!!! I have left the diary that I so maturely wrote the address down in on my desk- I don't have my Recruitment Friends number and I am already in a flat spin...................
And then THE SNEEZING begins- not just a few, like a million!! One tissue!
So I am trying to get on my skype to find the address as it was skyped to me- well not today because the phone skype doesn't have the messages the computer skype has- so not ever actually! The Friends number- unavailable! Still SNEEZING- no more tissue- just one little one!
So finally the brainwave- Facebook!! I finally get the address with 15 minutes to spare! But in true me style instead of getting exact directions I think "I know exactly where that is!" and off I go!

Angel on my shoulder: "You should have got directions"
Me: "Pa-lease I will find it"

I drive and drive- no luck- still sneezing by the way! I call back to get directions- and find it in about 2 minutes! I arrive on the dot!! Head straight to the bathroom to sort out the tissue situation! And the wait begins- thank goodness he was late- half an hour late! It allowed the SNEEZING to subside and I also had time to redo the face! (I had eyeliner running down my cheeks from the SNEEZING) It also gave me time to have a good look at what I was wearing! WTF was I thinking?? I was wearing socks with semi open shoes!!!!! In my morning panic to avoid frost bite I had put them on thinking it would be fine- NO NO NO- Trinny and Suzanne would have killed me! So there I am in this waiting room trying to discreetly remove my socks and shove them in my bag!
Anywhoo the interview went quite well so now let the wait begin!

But I will just say one thing- it was SnoT a very good start to the day! Ha ha ha!!

This weekend??
I am hitting the Barnyard with an awesome bunch of mates- much excitement I must say! On Saturday there is The Party bus- I am absolutely gutted to be missing it! I have polocrosse!! As per us (ush- uzsh-yoush???? How would you even spell that?)... But am really looking forward to it as its a fundraiser for Mike Cossey- a very special guy who has had to go to England to get his ticker fixed- so if you can come see!! Ruwa Country Club!

No under 18!!

You know that sinking feeling in your stomach- it can be fear, disappointment or just a general one...

Here is an example of one:
You have been out and got so over tweeked it's ridiculous-
You wake up and you feel like absolute crap and have no memory! You lie and think... Was I dancing naked, was I an A class cow........... OH FUNK!!! I remember flashes of light- it must have been angels saving my life and bringing me home!
So you force yourself out of bed- have a half an hour bath to try rinse the putrid alcohol smell off you and go to work!

You make it to work and flop behind your computer- almost fall asleep while the ancient box style desk top warms up and the downloading emails process begins.......
..
..
..
Oh shit balls!!!!!!!! There it is in front of you, it was not angels but in fact some funny funny person with a camera:

The Photographer tagged a photo of you in the album "Drunkest person EVER!"

To see photo follow the link below:
http://www.youareaknob.com/

Thanks,
Facebook Team

You think:
Screw you Facebook Team and The Photographer- don't judge me- you don't know me!
Scream out loud: "I hate you Facebook Team!"
Almost in tears now!
You click on the link and your once speedy wifi is now like a frigging dial up- it's even making the dial noises! Finally..... you click on your notifications:

The Photographer tagged you in 500 photo's.
Wait and wait while they downlaod or upload (Whatever).
And mostly this is what you find:

At least its a real guitar-I mostly rock out the air type one!!

Classy- real classy!



Oh shit I did- I did dance naked! And I dont even have big boobs! What was I thinking??

 At least I didn't pose next to these puppies (This is a real life photo by the way- not of me unfortunately):

The definition of relief?
..
..
..
..
..
Is when you have gone through that whole computer ordeal- you are sweating you are so nervous and this is what you find:

Happy hump day people!! Hope everyone has a thrasher tonight at Tinners or Honeybear! I will be continuing my quest for maturity whilst watching The Other Guys!! (New fave movie)

xoxo

It's been a bad day!

I wake up and I am cold- I am cold because I have to sleep with my fan on! Why? Because the frigging mozi's have evolved and can now survive in almost freezing temperatures!! I must be grateful though- the Zesa cut off right before I lost my legs to frost bite- but no Zesa means no morning coffee and smokie treat!!

This kid has nothing on what i was feeling!

So I was off to a great start and then I get into my shit box car- with no heater or fan! (But don't worry the back is carpeted- thanks goodness) To head to my dead end job where my boss believes in 'functionality' not 'stylish/awesomness'. 'Functionality' being all adverts in red and yellow! Mmmmmmmm- my favourite! I could hardly contain my excitement to embark on my 45 minute drive to work! Yipee!!
I sit in front of my computer working on some 'functional' ideas and staring at my facebook news feed in case something happens! (Ok I'm not that bad because I follow a lot of blogs which takes up some time! And chat to all my besties on Skype and Google chat). Finally 12 arrives and I can go for my meeting and get out of the hell hole!! So i go to my meeting and have a lovely Pasta salad and Creme Soda from Supreme Surf n Turf which cheered me up immensely! But somehow something always has to ruin it! For example:

• Assholes in nice cars that got 40 in the fast lane.
• Potholes that want to eat your car.
• When you pick a lane in traffic and think you have hit the jackpot to find there is an effing learner at the front who keeps stalling!
• Camouflaged speed humps- why why why- is paint that expensive people who live on roads with humps? It literally feels like the back is going to snap off my bakkie.
• People who don't take that opportunity (The once in a while one) to cross a busy road!!
• General idiocracy of drivers in this place!

Just in case you were wondering- yes I was born with the talent to drive and never had a problem!!!
And that's that!! I hope you are having a more inspiring day than me!!

xoxo

I just found something that cheered me up a tad- at least I'm not feeling like this:

Ramblings of a Mad Person

Good bye phantom hangovers- goodbye!!! I missed last night again in my quest for maturity! I promise it's not because I am holding hands, it is an educated decision and instead of saying I am going to have a dry May like most of Zimbabweans, mine is a quest! I a dry month would be unwise as I would go into a 'clinical depression'- and I would be lying to myself and to you!

So instead of going out and showing off my new two step I went to visit the Mum to Be BF- it was so awesome- I still can't believe she is preggers- and no, I felt NO desire to be in her shoes- but I am however very excited to have another 'child that I can hand back when it cries or smells' in my life! They are the best type of children to have!
No crappy nappies- my sister tried that once and I had to leave the baby on the changing table to go vomit- thank God he did not fall off!
You can try to stop them crying for about 30 seconds- no luck- and say "Ah shame it wants its Mummy!"
If they come whining to you- "Oh I'm not sure go ask Mum"
The list is endless- but I have noticed a change in the trend with my sisters and brothers kids...
The kids go whining to the folks- the folks say "Go ask Aunty or Granny to play 5 day international cricket with you!".
Just a warning to the family- I have noted this trend and I am watching you!

Well now that that's done back to the night! What not to do when you live in a biggish house by yourself, especially when you have small people/elephants living in your roof!
DO NOT WATCH SIXTH SENSE!
I recall messaging The Squeeze to boast that I was brave enough to watch it- and I think it went like this: "You have balls!". I thought "Yes I dooo! I laugh at this type of movie! Danger Mouse can't watch some of the movies I have laughed at."
Ok I would say about 45 minutes in I switched it off and went to bed- I was a wreck- there were dead people everywhere!!!!! I got into bed and:

Me: "Come Little Dog- come girl- you can sleep in the bed tonight! Chase any dead people away ok?"
Little Dog: Jumps on the bed and curls up against my tummy.
One hour, two hours etc eventually I fall asleep...
I turn over- Little Dog curls against my back.
I turn over- Little Dog curls against my tummy.
I wake up, having a heart attack- as I fall out the bed!
The Little Dog (Approximately 5kg's) managed to push me (Approximately a million times her size) OFF the bed!!! So I get back on and move her- she growls at me- like 'Grrrrrrrrrrr' and falls back to sleep while I lay awake listening to the family in my roof!



This made me laugh- photographers with a sense of humour!!

 Yay for lunch at Two Spoons with the desperate housewives....

xoxo

Hands.....

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Don't judge- you don't know what people have been through- or what good they have been doing.


Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

Don't take your life for granted- you have a lot more than most- and that most are happier than you!

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken



It is so easy to make someones day.



In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

I am sure she has smiled since and I dont even want to know what she went through! How many hugs did she get?

We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands



You will be ok- even when you feel like you won't! Time is a good healer- as is friendship.



The Acorn

The mighty oak:

Was once a small nut that stood its ground:

I am having an emo day- I guess it happens when you want something but there is nothing you can do to get it! I know it goes against the saying in every way possible! I am fighting- but its like an acorn trying to fight a full grown oak! maybe a David and Goliath story coming- lets hope!

In any case- I love this saying- and thanks to Deli for telling it to me! :) I think we should all think of that little nut when we are having a bad day!

xoxo

PS Thanks for reading my blogs! :)

Adventures of a Rhodie!

So I spent the last week in the beautiful Durban, and the not so beautiful Maritzburg and this is how it went!

Part 1- The Ellen.

I arrive in Durbs- good flight- all on time. (Not Air Zim obviously) and off I go with one of my bestie's- lets call her Ellen! We got ready quickly- and so the night began! First up- was some chow,a must- House of Curries on Florida Road! R26 Rotti!!!! Not only that- at the same time I was enjoying the amazing taste of a good old V n' C.. Ellen prefers a stiff C n' C! We were at a bar- but this just isn't enough- it never is with me (annoys the hell out of me) so off we go with the Back Up and is Unsingle friend! (Yes they were men- NO- no luck) Sasha!!! (Thats the night club) 3 dance floors- people everywhere (Especially when you are seeing double), dance music and more drinks!
After about two dance songs I was done- I had to have hip hop- so I went to make the request- the DJ was hot and the next song was what i had requested!!!!! WOOOWWW- I had to show my appreciation somehow! I know, I know- I'll get on the stage and 'shake that ass'!! How embarrassing! And it didn't help that Ellen kept saying- dont worry- do what you want- no one knows you! (This is probably why I had no luck- ha ha). And to be honest it didn't help that my wingman invented the Ellen DeGeneres- and believes she can do it over any table top- no matter how wide or high!!!!!

It was amazing- I miss Ellen so much i could cry right now!

Part 2- Queen Mee

I now had to leave my friendies and the light side of life for a few days of work! Trapped in a factory all day and a B'n B all night! (Or Not) I stayed in the most awesome hotel in Hilton! Here's a little snap of the entrance:

I ate, I drank the most amazing red wine, and i made a phone call to Ellen- please note Ellen resides in SA- it was a 3.48 minute call! R897!!! Seriously!! I almost fainted!! Needless to say I refused to pay- all it took was one death stare (the one I give the mini busses) and it was changed to R15!!!!! Phew!!

Part 3: Fish out of Water

On the way to the airport- The Carer- kindly dropped us for a little shopping centre called Gateway- there were 4 of us- two colleagues, The Carer and myself- I had run out of money so popped into Rennies to change some- I walk out- happy as Larry that I have a few bucks to spend! They have gone- they have left me in the hugest mall EVER in the whole world (thats how big it felt). I walked around (Or run) asking if anyone I seen them- NO ONE! Its been about half an hour! I am now walking around Gateway crying like a baby- I go to security- maybe they can help!

Security: What are they wearing?
Me: Jeans (sniff sniff wail wail)
Security: What do they look like?
Me: (Through the tears) Zimbabwean.
(This went on for a while)

She was annoyed by now and called the head of security:

S: Please look for three people in jeans who look like Zimbabweans. (According to Ellen this should have been enough info because apparently you can tell a Zimbo from a mile off!)

Anyway I found The Carer about half an hour later ( I have only just met this guy)! And I shout out- What the FFFFFFFF! (Imitating how I was going to ring his neck when I got close enough)! They hadn't even realised there was a problem! Smoke break for me!!!

Anyway i think thats enough for now! Have a good weekend- and here are some options:

Friday: Cricket @ Harare Sports, Honey Bear, TJ's, Tin Roof, Axiom.
Saturday: TOUCH BOWL @ Bryden, Tin roof
Sunday: Recover! :)

xoxo
Gossip girl to be (haha)

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I open my eye's and I know- I am on my way out! I must go to the hospital! With every heartbeat my head almost explodes- I cannot talk- in fact I can barely breath! Red wine is the enemy!!! And this is a note to self to stop trying to make friends with it! You know its bad day when you wake up like that, you haven't packed the right bra for the shirt, you go to Fruit and Veg City to get a smoothie- and because you can't decide you end up with a kiwi, melon, banana, grape, more melon and strawberry one! And now I have to blog about last night and i am trying to erase it from my memory!!!

So it was a girls night and it was my farewell- yes I am leaving! :( (For a week) :) I have photo's but I am too good a friend to post them! The place- it was amazing! Its a secret for now but I will let you know soon! The best bunny chow since Durban days, very very bad wine (I hope you got that) and even worse poeple! No, on a serious note- it was flipping amazing!!! I cannot wait till they are all sorted and I can tell you all about it!

But why oh why do i always have to go that 1 step (No make it 10 steps) too far! I went out- and dragged The People with me! It was a waste of time and helluva embarrasing:

Al- "Please just let us in for free- I am THE ZIM SOCIALITE! etc etc!" Oh how embarrassing can one person be in a night! Try this.....

• Sang! Loud! I did not even need a mic!
• Took the left over wine- but did not put the lid on properly! I am now hanging and I cannot open my handbag because I will hurl! Oh and my airticket was in the bag- and is now drenched.
• Tried to hook the friend up with oldest ugliest man- please forgive me- its hard to see with 'wine bottle goggles on'!
• Spoke about sex as thought I created it.
• Stated- "horse riders must be the best in bed!" (Did the whole motion and all)- I recall even 'smacking the pony!'- for goodness sake
• There was more but for now I can't remember!

So now- I am sitting at work- I walked the whole way to my desk with sunglasses on! I am now wearing reading glasses to try cover the bleeding eyes and I can just smell the red wine wafting out of my bag! It is going to be a very long day- at least I can set my aircon at the lowest temprature possible- the heat would kill me!

Love and Hates! (On the road)

5 Things I Love:

• My hooter (As in the car one! :))
• Dual Carriage ways
• The death stare (Says more than words or signs ever could)
• Small fast cars! No I do not own one! But one day! The Bakkie just does not have the getaway speed.
• Power steering

5 Thing I Hate:

• Commuter Omnibuses
• Narrow tar roads with cliffs on the side.
• Learner drivers- they should have their own roads!
• People that laugh at me- when I am giving the 'death stare'.
• Parking in the centre of town!!!!!!!!!! (I do it everyday- a few times a day- it will be the end of me one day!)

Just to get it started

·         I would choose lasagna over chocolate.

·         I cry if I see people in old shoes.

·         I could watch people all day.

·         I smoke three a day- on a good day!

·         Red wine is my weakness.

·         I love fashion- but I can put together some hid outfits! (But why not- maybe one day they will be cool! J

·         I sit on my veranda by myself in the morning!

·         I love doing crazy things to my hair- at uni I even had pink hair!

·         I love big green gardens!