Socialites ZW: Ramblings of a Mad Person

Good bye phantom hangovers- goodbye!!! I missed last night again in my quest for maturity! I promise it's not because I am holding hands, it is an educated decision and instead of saying I am going to have a dry May like most of Zimbabweans, mine is a quest! I a dry month would be unwise as I would go into a 'clinical depression'- and I would be lying to myself and to you!

So instead of going out and showing off my new two step I went to visit the Mum to Be BF- it was so awesome- I still can't believe she is preggers- and no, I felt NO desire to be in her shoes- but I am however very excited to have another 'child that I can hand back when it cries or smells' in my life! They are the best type of children to have!
No crappy nappies- my sister tried that once and I had to leave the baby on the changing table to go vomit- thank God he did not fall off!
You can try to stop them crying for about 30 seconds- no luck- and say "Ah shame it wants its Mummy!"
If they come whining to you- "Oh I'm not sure go ask Mum"
The list is endless- but I have noticed a change in the trend with my sisters and brothers kids...
The kids go whining to the folks- the folks say "Go ask Aunty or Granny to play 5 day international cricket with you!".
Just a warning to the family- I have noted this trend and I am watching you!

Well now that that's done back to the night! What not to do when you live in a biggish house by yourself, especially when you have small people/elephants living in your roof!
DO NOT WATCH SIXTH SENSE!
I recall messaging The Squeeze to boast that I was brave enough to watch it- and I think it went like this: "You have balls!". I thought "Yes I dooo! I laugh at this type of movie! Danger Mouse can't watch some of the movies I have laughed at."
Ok I would say about 45 minutes in I switched it off and went to bed- I was a wreck- there were dead people everywhere!!!!! I got into bed and:

Me: "Come Little Dog- come girl- you can sleep in the bed tonight! Chase any dead people away ok?"
Little Dog: Jumps on the bed and curls up against my tummy.
One hour, two hours etc eventually I fall asleep...
I turn over- Little Dog curls against my back.
I turn over- Little Dog curls against my tummy.
I wake up, having a heart attack- as I fall out the bed!
The Little Dog (Approximately 5kg's) managed to push me (Approximately a million times her size) OFF the bed!!! So I get back on and move her- she growls at me- like 'Grrrrrrrrrrr' and falls back to sleep while I lay awake listening to the family in my roof!