No under 18!!

You know that sinking feeling in your stomach- it can be fear, disappointment or just a general one...

Here is an example of one:
You have been out and got so over tweeked it's ridiculous-
You wake up and you feel like absolute crap and have no memory! You lie and think... Was I dancing naked, was I an A class cow........... OH FUNK!!! I remember flashes of light- it must have been angels saving my life and bringing me home!
So you force yourself out of bed- have a half an hour bath to try rinse the putrid alcohol smell off you and go to work!

You make it to work and flop behind your computer- almost fall asleep while the ancient box style desk top warms up and the downloading emails process begins.......
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Oh shit balls!!!!!!!! There it is in front of you, it was not angels but in fact some funny funny person with a camera:

The Photographer tagged a photo of you in the album "Drunkest person EVER!"

To see photo follow the link below:
http://www.youareaknob.com/

Thanks,
Facebook Team

You think:
Screw you Facebook Team and The Photographer- don't judge me- you don't know me!
Scream out loud: "I hate you Facebook Team!"
Almost in tears now!
You click on the link and your once speedy wifi is now like a frigging dial up- it's even making the dial noises! Finally..... you click on your notifications:

The Photographer tagged you in 500 photo's.
Wait and wait while they downlaod or upload (Whatever).
And mostly this is what you find:

At least its a real guitar-I mostly rock out the air type one!!

Classy- real classy!



Oh shit I did- I did dance naked! And I dont even have big boobs! What was I thinking??

 At least I didn't pose next to these puppies (This is a real life photo by the way- not of me unfortunately):

The definition of relief?
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Is when you have gone through that whole computer ordeal- you are sweating you are so nervous and this is what you find:

Happy hump day people!! Hope everyone has a thrasher tonight at Tinners or Honeybear! I will be continuing my quest for maturity whilst watching The Other Guys!! (New fave movie)

xoxo

It's been a bad day!

I wake up and I am cold- I am cold because I have to sleep with my fan on! Why? Because the frigging mozi's have evolved and can now survive in almost freezing temperatures!! I must be grateful though- the Zesa cut off right before I lost my legs to frost bite- but no Zesa means no morning coffee and smokie treat!!

This kid has nothing on what i was feeling!

So I was off to a great start and then I get into my shit box car- with no heater or fan! (But don't worry the back is carpeted- thanks goodness) To head to my dead end job where my boss believes in 'functionality' not 'stylish/awesomness'. 'Functionality' being all adverts in red and yellow! Mmmmmmmm- my favourite! I could hardly contain my excitement to embark on my 45 minute drive to work! Yipee!!
I sit in front of my computer working on some 'functional' ideas and staring at my facebook news feed in case something happens! (Ok I'm not that bad because I follow a lot of blogs which takes up some time! And chat to all my besties on Skype and Google chat). Finally 12 arrives and I can go for my meeting and get out of the hell hole!! So i go to my meeting and have a lovely Pasta salad and Creme Soda from Supreme Surf n Turf which cheered me up immensely! But somehow something always has to ruin it! For example:

• Assholes in nice cars that got 40 in the fast lane.
• Potholes that want to eat your car.
• When you pick a lane in traffic and think you have hit the jackpot to find there is an effing learner at the front who keeps stalling!
• Camouflaged speed humps- why why why- is paint that expensive people who live on roads with humps? It literally feels like the back is going to snap off my bakkie.
• People who don't take that opportunity (The once in a while one) to cross a busy road!!
• General idiocracy of drivers in this place!

Just in case you were wondering- yes I was born with the talent to drive and never had a problem!!!
And that's that!! I hope you are having a more inspiring day than me!!

xoxo

I just found something that cheered me up a tad- at least I'm not feeling like this:

The Bench

The being mature thing- kinda out the window!!
Friday night it worked- I stayed at home and watched the most ridiculous movie- MacGruber! WTF! That guy is mad! And rode my horses all day Saturday!

It's like I have a split personality when I put make-up on! I got ready and off I went to Saint Johns rugby- so gutted Peterhouse lost- there must be a good reason! Other than that it was awesome- the Irish coffee's- catching up with mates I hadn't seen in ages and of course a couple of beers! Our next venue was unknown until KHaas and the boys walked out and said come watch the rugby at So-and-So's house! We don't know So-and-So but whatever- it was going to be good! (We being me and Mos). Before I go on- Mos had already done the following:
-The Car show
-Polo
-Attempted Tinners but it wasn't open.

No room for being bored on a Saturday hey Mos! So off we went to So-and-So's house- which turned out to also be Bob's house and so the evening began.. A few bevies there and off to my cousins farewell- so delish punch, but poor Mos was so sick with the flu- so had to drop her home! But never fear- her FOMO took over and I had to go pick her up again! Ha ha..

So off to Tinners it was! It was cold! But never fear- there are fire things all outside, it was magic! There we were all huddled around a fire sitting on a table. I need to paint a picture in your head:

Benches like that- not cuddling that much obviously! But on our table the part where their feet are was broken off! Well The Drunkest Person in the World walked up and started grabbing the hot wood from the fire- Bob and I were off one way and Mos the other way, but poor Mos didn't get too far! You see the plank had broken off- but the support mechanism was still there and Mos had forgetten this in her panic- she literally flick flaked she was moving at such pace- spilling her drink and grazing her body! But as Mos does- she recovered with grace and had another soup!!
I had actually done the same thing earlier but not nearly as gracefully as Mos, and I only have two gigantic bruise/grazes on my shins and laddered stockings as appose to a grazed body!

I actually dont want to devulge into anymore happenings of that night- it was a rediculous! I am stopping drinking!!! Nooot! But my goal of maturing is still in my sites- reach for the moon and you will land on a star hey!

I am too excited for this weekend:

 Eeeeeeeekkk!! I hope to see everyone there!!!!!

So I heard on Friday night there were some hectic fights- NOT COOL people!! If there are any fighters reading this- grow up! I am going to sit on the next fighting people I see- before you even have a chance to discuss!

On a happier not- compliments of the funniest person I know in the whole world!

What did the Sushi say to the Bee?
................
................
...............
................

Wasaa(p) Bee

xoxo

Newspaper Day...

When you are as mature as me Wednesdays can be useful! Useful to go to your best friends house and drink wine! Not just any wine- very morish red wine! So there we were, Mos and Squito sitting in a haze of smoke red wine in hand!
Problem: Mos has flu so could not drink wine as easily as say- me! It was like I hadn't seen wine in a year and now I have a small diff winde! But thanks goodness it was box wine firstly because I probably would have drunk the whole box and secondly because the sulphites in that stuff leads to MAJOR diff windes!!
All I can say is thanks God I got the phone call to say Tinners was too quiet!

Due to my maturity which leads to lack of stories to tell you I thought I would treat you with some of the pictures and articles I read in the Herald:

Ok so I just love the fact that 75 years ago Zimbabweans drank like their lives depended on it! :) One and a half gallons per person- not that i know what a gallon equates to but it sounds like a shit load of scotch!!! No wonder The Father has a bop!
And.................. Joke of the year!!!!!!

What a knee slapper!!
I hope you have an awesome Thursday!

xoxo

Peewee's at Polocrosse

It is something you have to see in real life so do come to Greendal Club on the 20th and 21st of May but here's a little sneak peak:

Here we have the lead rein class- from like 3-7 year olds..

Here we have the under 11's- but there is a little 5 year old there- a real life cowboy- so presh!

The Spectators

Ok so obviously there was an insane benda as well as the peewee polocrosse (They are all wrapped up in bed by then)- but I think the benda deserves a blog all of its own! (When I have the evidence).

So back to the Peewee's:

 They line up- sticks straight up in the air, holding their breath.

The ball is in and rolling along the ground- they are off- The Leaders of the ponys fighting over the ball- which ever leader gets it puts it in the childs stick and the race begins!

They dash down the field at some pace- stop, drop the reins- grab the stick in two hands and BAMMMM into the goals!

My favourite had to be my niece- the competitive streak was revealed! Firstly there was no smiling on the field- even when the crowd errupted when she scored! It was total 100% focus! The final whistle sounded and it burst out crying!

Mum: "Child whats wrong?"

Child: "Sob Sob Sniff Sniff SCREAAMMMM"

Mum: "K well no crying on your horse so off you get"

Child: "Screaaaaaaaaammmmmm"

(Storms off.)

Me: "Child well done man- you rocked it out there" High fives all around.

Child: "Sniff sniff"

Me: "Come sit and tell me what's wrong."

Child: Squeeking "I didn't get enough goals"

I just had to laugh! She had got the most ball- due to the fact that she is too cute and her pony is the little white one in the pics! I also somehow got nominated to be the one that leads all the pony rides after the game- *sigh*! No it was too cute- they get so excited when the horse moves they just start giggling!

So if any of you have or know little kiddies that might be keen come to our next tourni!

A special thanks to Trace Beekes for all her hard work!

xoxo



Two spoons- Mmmmmmm.

Yesterday- being a day that begins with T and a very very long time since our last coffee/lunch date- we (My mokkies and me) decided to do the responsible thing and ditch work for a bit of a 'meeting'! We decided to go the Two spoons route again seeing as last time I forgot my camera! Well people I took my camera but forgot to take photos of the food! What a knob I know! So the photos are not of our food but I will gladly describe my meal to you:

Homemade Chicken Pie- $4
It came with a big salad and chips! I could not even finish it I was so full- and it was absolutely delish!!! Salad was filled with tomatoes, feta, croutons, spring onions etc..
The Mokkie's:
Mini Pizza for The Mum to Be topped with all sort of delicious things- and quote "Fok that was good ne?"
Mos- Baked potato stuffed with cheese sauce, mushrooms and garlic!
Blondie- Same as me..
Drinks- Cokes, Waters, Frappes and Cappuccino

The Bill: $25

Can you believe it- so so reasonable! So here is a sneak peak but I recommend you go see for yourself! It's on Normandy road- if you go along Churchill you will see the sign just before 2nd street lights!

Well I hope you all have an awesome weekend!! Tin Roof? Honeybear? Polocrosse at Ruwa?

xoxo

Ramblings of a Mad Person

Good bye phantom hangovers- goodbye!!! I missed last night again in my quest for maturity! I promise it's not because I am holding hands, it is an educated decision and instead of saying I am going to have a dry May like most of Zimbabweans, mine is a quest! I a dry month would be unwise as I would go into a 'clinical depression'- and I would be lying to myself and to you!

So instead of going out and showing off my new two step I went to visit the Mum to Be BF- it was so awesome- I still can't believe she is preggers- and no, I felt NO desire to be in her shoes- but I am however very excited to have another 'child that I can hand back when it cries or smells' in my life! They are the best type of children to have!
No crappy nappies- my sister tried that once and I had to leave the baby on the changing table to go vomit- thank God he did not fall off!
You can try to stop them crying for about 30 seconds- no luck- and say "Ah shame it wants its Mummy!"
If they come whining to you- "Oh I'm not sure go ask Mum"
The list is endless- but I have noticed a change in the trend with my sisters and brothers kids...
The kids go whining to the folks- the folks say "Go ask Aunty or Granny to play 5 day international cricket with you!".
Just a warning to the family- I have noted this trend and I am watching you!

Well now that that's done back to the night! What not to do when you live in a biggish house by yourself, especially when you have small people/elephants living in your roof!
DO NOT WATCH SIXTH SENSE!
I recall messaging The Squeeze to boast that I was brave enough to watch it- and I think it went like this: "You have balls!". I thought "Yes I dooo! I laugh at this type of movie! Danger Mouse can't watch some of the movies I have laughed at."
Ok I would say about 45 minutes in I switched it off and went to bed- I was a wreck- there were dead people everywhere!!!!! I got into bed and:

Me: "Come Little Dog- come girl- you can sleep in the bed tonight! Chase any dead people away ok?"
Little Dog: Jumps on the bed and curls up against my tummy.
One hour, two hours etc eventually I fall asleep...
I turn over- Little Dog curls against my back.
I turn over- Little Dog curls against my tummy.
I wake up, having a heart attack- as I fall out the bed!
The Little Dog (Approximately 5kg's) managed to push me (Approximately a million times her size) OFF the bed!!! So I get back on and move her- she growls at me- like 'Grrrrrrrrrrr' and falls back to sleep while I lay awake listening to the family in my roof!



This made me laugh- photographers with a sense of humour!!

 Yay for lunch at Two Spoons with the desperate housewives....

xoxo

What to do when it rains!

So I do have some form of self control people! I managed to not go out on Friday! It had nothing to do with the fact that I was quite keen to hold hands- it was pure maturity! Saving my energy for HIFA!
HIFA that I never went to because it was cold and miserable, I had no choice but to sit with my mokkies, drink wine and watch rugby (The Sharks played like balls if you missed it). Of course one glass isn't possible in this situation and for me two glasses is all it takes! Brainwave- There is a farewell at Tin Roof! (Very sad that someone is leaving us) but what a benda none the less! It was the best night I have ever had at Tinners- i think it had a lot to do with the fact that there was a sound system and the whole of The Roof was a dance floor! Such good humor!

The Highlights:

• The belter standing in mud in his very shiny shoes- really ticled my sense of humor- thought he would look like a bergie...
• Walking in- 50 and S-Dog are breaking it down on the barstools (Obvious- a good night ahead)
• The Fengend daring KHaas to lick a 'ladies' cheek! She chose so well:
• Khaas walks over- licks- and walks away. (Lots of laughter from us)
• The lady sits for a few seconds- gets up and walks over!
• "That was unacceptable and disgusting!"- Khaas: speechless. I have never laughed so much in my life- Khass just attracts the trouble- its incredible! Raw talent I say.
• S-Dog passing out in Tinners (Two chairs pushed together)..
• S-Dogs friends when someone thought it would be funny to piss/pretend piss on him!
• All the flicking hoof- Mos dancing with no shoes on!
• S-dog sleeping in some arb's 323! I am sure we saved a life!
• Going around a huge roudabout so we could get to the 'Switch up' part of the song.
• Finding 50 at Mos's house on Sunday! Innocent......

But seriously- it was just the best night- such an awesome crowd- NO lighties- and if there were it was minimal, good drinks and GREAT music... I think I have changed my regular night from Friday to Saturday..
I literally chilled for the rest of the weekend- held hands and ate goooood food! Oh ya almost forgot- I am also learning to two step a bit- I am so lucky to have the most AWESOME coach- wow! And I fully intend to break it down this weekend! LMFAO eat your heart out! Ha ha... Of course there is the regular Wednesday benda, there is the hair show at Axiom on Friday(the one with the models in Lingerie)- about to go get more info and there is a polocrosse tournament out in Ruwa this weekend! No rest for the wicked I say!

xoxo

Thought this was too cute!

PS Don't forget redemption day!! :)