The new leaf....

For the last 25 years I have struggled in the mornings- I CANNOT do them... I have tried everything even putting my phone out of my reach which just lead to the:

Leave the alarm and pretend its nice soft music approach.
Or the get up turn it off and get straight back into your bed approach. (I realised I actually quite enjoyed this one and had such a good sleep once I had snuggled back into bed)
And I assure I look nothing like this:

By 9 am there is some definite similarities though!!
I have also learnt to snooze my phone without as much moving my head- talent I know! So basically every morning I would max out my snoozes- and say to myself "just have a 5 minute shuteye"- wake up half an hour later and be late for work! Well on Monday I received an email after doing the above:

All staff are reminded that your start of work times are as follows:

Monday to Friday – 8.00am

Saturdays – 9.00am

This means you are expected to be at your workstation ready to start work by that time. While difficulties can be faced in getting to work incidentally it appears some staff are becoming more and more habitually late and this will not be tolerated. This will now be put on record.

Your absence from your workstation is essential and if you are tardy in this responsibility it has a negative impact on the whole team.

Please get yourself to work on time!

I urge all staff to take this memo with seriousness.

Many thanks

(Copy and pasted in)

Ok so I was like 'Oh shit- I really deserved that!'- then the mind keeps turning and somehow I end up a bit pissed off! I had discussed the long journey I have to work with my boss and he said it wasn't serious if I was late- they didn't know it was because my phone was snoozed out! So off go to confront this 'biatch', I am all pumped up and have lost some sleep over what i am going to say!

I walk in sit down and say-
"With regards to that memo- please approach me in person in fut.." (She cuts me off)
"No Bongo- that memo wasn't for you- that's why the subject read 'For you Information only"

Oh well what an ass- I thought it said that because it was only for me!!

The thing is the one morning when I thought it was for me I learnt something- because as I do I took things too far and arrived at work before 7am (OVERKILL)- but realised how nice it was to leave work an hour early! I have done it for 2 days now!!! So as a person I have turned over a new leaf! I now have a Roxette song as my alarm tone:

"I said hello you fool- I Love you!"

On top volume!

Me: 'Hello hello - whats going on??" - Get out of bed in a complete panic! "Ha ha tricked you now get up you lazy fart"

And its not all that bad- effing freezing- but so worth the extra hour in the arvy!

Happy hump day y'all!!!
xoxo

Innocent minds!

So I told you all about the Bulawayo polocrosse tournament last weekend- apparently it was brilliant for some but a few people enjoyed more than the others! The Grooms!

The grooms love these away tournaments- they get to see other places, get more money, food and of course they get to spend quality time with their shamwari's! Basically early in the morning we load up the lorries with all the kit and horses and off they go, the grooms resting on the cattle side (It scares the shit out of me I must say)- but they have smiles on their faces the whole way.
They then have the actual tournament which must be quite hard work- washing, feeding, grooming all whilst chatting and then the journey home!

On this particular weekend I fear one groom may have got a ma-ussive bonsela because his horse did exceptionally well- and as one might do, chose to buy enough beer to almost kill a lorry load of grooms! They arrive back home on Monday afternoon absolutely shitfaced! I had been horse sitting my mums other steed for the weekend so I had the honor of witnessing the shitfacedness first hand!
You know when someone just cannot operate their mouth, legs or arms- well he was like that- all whilst trying to act sober! My mother was so stressed he was going to fall under the horses feet which would have been a disaster to say the least! He didn't but he did however go into a small coma with the horse box door locked from the inside!
This may not be as funny for you as you don't know my mum- but she almost had to bang the door in before dearest Tendy came around! Just the picture of her banging that door, cheeks shaking makes me laugh out loud!

Tendy has since had his privileges taken away- and no doubt has had to deal with a killer hangover!!! But this is my favorite:

Tendy: Madam I am becoming religious. The religious guys did not even drink!

Oh the mouth of a groom! It's not like 'Madam I am going to give up drinking!' No no in this country you have to be religious to not drink!!!

Hope you had a good hump day!! I am saving my energy for the golf day tomorrow , the comedy show tomorrow night and the Barefoot Beer Fest on Saturday!

PS please don't forget to pooh before you go to the beerfest- we need to avoid toilet blockages!!

Cheaters never Propsper

Friday night:
Honeybear, Axiom and Tinners! (Great for a mature lady!)

Memorable moments:

Dancing Girl to Bentlegs: OMG come dance its so fun.. (Something like that)- turns around and carrys on dancing...
Bentlegs to me: Who says OMG- just say the words. OMG LMFAO (Doing the hand actions and all)
Dancing Girl: Don't talk about what I said when I can still hear you!

FML did I LMAO!

Then another thing that tickled my sense of humor was watching a guy who wanted to have a fight get up almost fall and then walked into a car! Good luck with that one mate!!

Anyway- I thought it was a normal night on the town! I was quite pleasantly surprised by Axiom by the way and may even go back there when it's not half term! I think I was the oldest (or very close to) person there!

I had to work on Saturday and I was hanging like a dog ball- it is not recommended- especially when you know you are going to be driving around a lot- with someone else in your car! You know when you know that chanda is coming- but there is no ways you can let it happen! 4 hours of that feeling!
Until I cured myself with an ice lolly- I was so excited to eat it I couldn't even wait to get to my car! So picture it- there I am sucking this lolly and pushing my little trolley (The ones with two baskets) when BAM!!! My trolley hits a pothole just as I reach the top of the trolley path- the pothole consumes the front wheels which caused the trolley to flick forward- taking me with it!! Groceries everywhere- running down that trolley path, under cars- BUT- I still had my lolly as well as a monster bruise!! OMGHE! (How Embarrassing)

Anyway- on Saturday let me just start with this:

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Love it!!

And after that (and a whole lot of nutters) came the game of Pictionary!
Boys vs Girls.
Winners: The Girls! If it was a horse race- it was like a win by 100 lengths!
And I proud to say we did not cheat once!! Our opposition on the other hand (I only found this later):

So yes we won and they were writing the word- that is how insanely fast us chicks are- we drew and guessed a picture before the boys could write and read one word!!!

I am dying to hear all the stories from Bulawayo (I think)- possible PPD that may need treatment though!

People conserve you energy this week!!!

Friday: Polocrosse fund raiser at Coutry Club (Heard Evicted might be playing) As well as Vilmsa at reps!!
Saturday: Barefoot Beerfest!!

Check out my profile for more info...

xoxo

Laughter- the best meds!!!

So I have done a couple of blogs about my driving experiences- but this morning I had one that topped them all!
I woke up nice an early- small lie, I always exhaust all snoozes and then rush like hell to get to work! So this time I am not coming in from the Ruwa said but from the other side of town and let me tell you something- the people that drive in from 'that' side of town are as thick and pathetic as the ones from 'my' side, but this is all totally besides the point!!!

So when I first went to 'that' side of town I was told:

"Never stop on this road, there are highjakers. If you have to get out your car and hide in the grass"
(And I'll have you know I think I actually saw them sitting round a fire in the grass waiting for an innocent victim)

Ok so I am tootaling along the road as I usually do when I realise I am getting overtaken by those rustic style cars that are about to fall apart! I am however in 5th gear and my foot is flat! Simple- I change down, but there is none of that usual kick from when you change down! I am literally going slower and slower!

My Head: "Oh eeeffffff I am going to get highjaked!"
MH: "Just take your camera and run for your life- the car is a piece of shit anyway"
MH: "Who shall I send the goodbye text to"
The Phone: "Battery very very low" (From all the snoozing I had to do this morning)

So I am going up this little hill at about 5k/h praying that my camera doesn't get stolen when I see that I have reached 'the almost end' of 'THE ROAD'!! Relief- such relief in fact I start laughing so hard I was crying! My car had died- but never fear as I am a woman of many talents!! I revved the shit out of the car until ppoooooooffffff a cloud of black smoke came out and the revs went back to normal!!! What up?

So off I go at a more decent pase- through the deadliest of parts and into the industrial sights! Now this traffic just knocks the socks off any other traffic- big trucks, big busses (That think they are small and quick) and some bozzo's of note! I am constantly swapping lanes to try get the into the fastest one and noticed a borehole rig that seemed to be pushing his way quite nicely through the traffic- so i tailed him all whilst trying to push a pushing in bus off the road! And this is where it got me:

Ok so clever dick got stuck! What happened was the borehole rug thing rolled back, but like far back, what a freaking idiot! I hooted until my hooter sounded ill and unfortunately the cheeky bus got hit! I was so close to getting hit that I could not move an inch forward and I had another car up my arse! What can you do but laugh hysterically and make all the cars around you laugh too- again I found myself crying with laughter! (Which makes for a nice change to my normal traffic behaviour!)

So there you have it!

Have a good Thursday!!

xoxo

Ps I got wind that the Sharks are on top form and ready to hand Bulls their bums!!!

Are you true party people???

As far as I am concerned you are not a true party person until you have experienced a top polocrosse benda! They happen every couple of weeks in the coldest months of the year- and you have no choice but to get 'upside down'! (I shouted that in my head), and in some case this is very literal!

Let me explain a little more- so these benda's only happen when we have a tournament on- so we play all day Saturday and the get on the train as fast as possible because in my case most of the time I end up playing at 8 A.(Effing)M on Sunday morning! So what you generally have is a whole lot of people in riding kit and smelling like horses, as well as our most legendary players 23's... There are few thing unique to polocrosse benda's- one being the 'drop and role' (You have to see it to belive it)! And here is how a night can go.....

Ok so why am I telling you all this??? Because thsi weekend there is a polocrosse tourni in Bulawayo- at the Country Club and it is going to be an absolute thrasher!! Such a thrasher in fact that I am trying to get down for the Saturday night!! Not only is it a regular tourni but you will also be able to catch the Zim world cup team handing Zambia's ass to them!

On that note there is also a polocrosse golf day next Friday! Check it out on my Facebook- Zim Socialite! Best dressed teams wins a prize!!! (Thats the one I am going for! The only one I have a shot at actually)... Joke- I will win!

Living for the Weekend!

Oh to be living for the weekend is quite a sad place to be- but what a cracker of a weekend it makes for!!!

In Harare it was like the weekend of the house party- must be a moon phase or something! For me- it was the weekend of maturity and holding hands! So on Friday night I went to a delicious dinner at Fish Monger!!! Mmmmmm- the Calamari Steak went down a treat- but the order envy was almost unbearable!! I am allergic to prawns- yes have a laugh all you chops that are not!!! It is the most disappointing thing- specially when The Better Half has prawn cocktail for starter, prawn platter with extra prawns for main- I oath if there was a prawn pudding he would have had it! No picking and swapping tasters for me! But its fine- they are so ugly anyway! Cockroaches!!!

Saturday- Rugby Day!! I love Rugby! Except when the Sharks are playing like absolute tards- but for once they actually came alive.. Regained some of my faith in them- in the second half! Why leave it that late is beyond me! I did however lose faith in frozen foods!
Earlier in the day it was decided- beer, biltong and rugby! It failed on so many levels:

• Do not buy colourful drinks (Red square) just so you are drinking out of a bottle like the boys- they taste like shit and look like cough mixture!
• Don't be picky and refuse spar biltong- you will end up with TM biltong!
• Above all take note: Do not, I repeat do not but frozen chicken samoosas! I fried them- they looked lovely- bit them, disgusting and raw! So I baked them for ages- still gross!! Chicken fat/strange veggies! Not cool!

Before I go any further this is a convo I had on skype with my cuzzy:

[6/10/2011 10:06:02 AM] The Zakki: Ok cool. Will keep you posted about this weekend. I am trying to avoid tin roof this weekend!!! Shit always gets out of hand there!!! Heehee. How is work going?? You enjoying??
[6/10/2011 10:09:45 AM] Bongo: I know that place is DANGER!!!!!! I am also avoiding it forever!!!

Well after lots of arm twisting I was forced to go out on Saturday night! I walked in- first person I see- The Zakki! But he said he was only allowing himself one two litre coke worth of drink- this way he would not be able to drink the whole bottle of vodka, which is usually the case! Well I am not sure if maybe he just diluted the coke with a bottle of vodka but I have a vague memory of him doing the Lama?!!  But who am I to talk when I do the chameleon!! And in case you are wondering- yes I do have losers!!

But I hope my losers dont touch on Oompa Loompa's losers! OL is the guy who decided to pick a fight with A Friend!! If you are reading this I have some advice for you:

• DO NEVER EVER take your shirt off! You think this make you look manly and cool- in fact you look like a little McFatty running around and it may be viewed as quite the joke! I have heard the you dont have to be buff to be a good fighter- but seriously muscles must be handy...

But in any case Oopma or not, fighting is so beefed! So put the muscle away kids! Although entertaining I just don't see the point!

Hope you all have a happy Monday! (As happy a Monday as possible!)

xoxo

Nite feverrrrr!!

Apparently the 70's was all about the glitter- the hip moving and boob shake- for us it was more about the wine, the wine and the dancing on chairs/tables/each other!! And what a nite it was! Led by the hilarious Leo from Riioo (Drum rollll- and a hip thrust!)

And then we have the cast- Stevie Wonder:

The tarts:

Men please note she has to push her boob into place!!

Ok so here are some do's when going to barnyard:

• You must get there early- the drink queue's are redonc!!
• Buy one bottle of wine per girl! (Easy game)
• Get a table in the second row- and then proceed to dance on chairs! Thus pissing the people off behind you to no end! In fact even better- pick up your chairs and move them to front and centre stage! That way you are almost in the lime light!
• Try get all the old farts on their feet! The ladies are always up and dancing and the buggas just sit! So I did something about it- and the balli turned out to be a sharp rock 'n roller!
• Get more than 10 people at a table- the more the merrier... (Gate crashers welcome!! :))
• I would also recommend food- we didn't but I could have mugged a table for theirs!
• Get your boob signed by 'Leo from Rio' after the show! Bob and Loz!!

Do not howerever try and get on the stage after the show as you will get dragged off!!





All in all- so worth the moneys you pay! It was a brilliant! The sound has got soo much better!!

Near Death- but back to life!!

You nearly lost me- it was so close in fact that I saw the light- and I am happy to say it looked bright!
How did it happen? I was in a rush- in such a rush in fact that I was packing my bag- making coffee and eating brekkie all at the same time- and this is where it happened! I opened the boiled egg and shoved a spoonful (A big one- because I was in a rush) into my mouth and swallowed................................. It was the most REVOLTING thing I have ever tasted! I started mock charging but calmed myself by stuffing Quality Streets into my mouth! It helped- or so I thought! Anyway I ended up in the doctors room trying to explain to her that I was about to die! She said I wasn't! She has no idea how I felt- just because I had no temperature and my shaking looked fake! Judgmental I say! But I did have to have an injection and I didn't even squeal/faint/cry- mainly because the nurse looked like she was quite capable of muder! So I took it like a woman, but cried like a bay when I left the doctors room!
But luckily I am what some might call a legend/hero because although I almost died in the morning I still made it to Barnyard! Well to be honest I didn't feel up to it- but I had paid a $30 for the ticket and at this stage that is a small fortune so I was going!! (It might have had something to do with the fact that I also wanted to hold hands!!) I went and conquered- not only a bottle of wine and a box of smokes! I also conquered that dance floor!! Oh wait there isn't one- so we made one- on our chairs right at the front! Not annoying at all for the whole hall of people behind us!! But we had paid $30 (A small fortune) so we couldn't give a rats to be honest!

Anyway the actual show was just brilliant! I will put some photo's up tomorrow with a whole separate blog! I have been to a few barnyards here- but this I must say came out tops! the second row is the best place to be- the sound was on a whole new level compared to the last one- and Leo from RRIIOO rocked out the hosting! So once I have got the pics I will give you a detailed account of the show and our behavior!!

The rest of the weekend I played polocrosse- if you can call it that!! I was more on the trotting around like a lost fart side of life! But at least the last game was better! I have realised one thing about myself and I think I learnt it from Lady (My horse) No commentator and crowd = No play!

Here's some stuff I found around and about:

Be me-ish! Ha ha- JOKE!!

Have a good Monday! *sigh*...... I HATE MONDAYS!!!

xoxo

Apologies - and a sneeze!

People I am sorry I have not blogged in for like ever! (It has nothing to do with holding hands!!!!!) I have been pretty busy as work--Ok that is a lie! My job is still as boring as hell but I have been very busy trying to find another job and/or building an empire! All whilst holding hands- so imagine how busy I have been!

So with all my excuses comes a story- a story of my interview this morning! I get so excited to dress up, put my face on and at least look like I am taking over the world- so that is exactly what I did! And then the nerves hit:

I inhale my brekkie, coffee and a smoke almost all at once and I am off! Driving like a crazy person because obviously I am in such a rush! I always believe in arriving half an hour early. (Over The Top to say the least I know!!) I am now in Chisi and the shitteth hitteth the fanneth!!! I have left the diary that I so maturely wrote the address down in on my desk- I don't have my Recruitment Friends number and I am already in a flat spin...................
And then THE SNEEZING begins- not just a few, like a million!! One tissue!
So I am trying to get on my skype to find the address as it was skyped to me- well not today because the phone skype doesn't have the messages the computer skype has- so not ever actually! The Friends number- unavailable! Still SNEEZING- no more tissue- just one little one!
So finally the brainwave- Facebook!! I finally get the address with 15 minutes to spare! But in true me style instead of getting exact directions I think "I know exactly where that is!" and off I go!

Angel on my shoulder: "You should have got directions"
Me: "Pa-lease I will find it"

I drive and drive- no luck- still sneezing by the way! I call back to get directions- and find it in about 2 minutes! I arrive on the dot!! Head straight to the bathroom to sort out the tissue situation! And the wait begins- thank goodness he was late- half an hour late! It allowed the SNEEZING to subside and I also had time to redo the face! (I had eyeliner running down my cheeks from the SNEEZING) It also gave me time to have a good look at what I was wearing! WTF was I thinking?? I was wearing socks with semi open shoes!!!!! In my morning panic to avoid frost bite I had put them on thinking it would be fine- NO NO NO- Trinny and Suzanne would have killed me! So there I am in this waiting room trying to discreetly remove my socks and shove them in my bag!
Anywhoo the interview went quite well so now let the wait begin!

But I will just say one thing- it was SnoT a very good start to the day! Ha ha ha!!

This weekend??
I am hitting the Barnyard with an awesome bunch of mates- much excitement I must say! On Saturday there is The Party bus- I am absolutely gutted to be missing it! I have polocrosse!! As per us (ush- uzsh-yoush???? How would you even spell that?)... But am really looking forward to it as its a fundraiser for Mike Cossey- a very special guy who has had to go to England to get his ticker fixed- so if you can come see!! Ruwa Country Club!