Clappem? Sasha? TJ's?????

Ok so look at these pictures below! Do not read the text before you have had a good look!

Awesome club??

There is this group of friends- lets call them The Goats! They were previously disadvantaged purely by location- they come from a land far far away- a total population of 50 people max- 5 of those are chicks!! A few years back they began their migration to stake their claim of the capital city.... How?? They party, play sport and all the good things- but what they do best is throwing a good Goat party! But I fear I may have missed the best one of all- as the pictures above show.......

You: WTF??
Me: Yes that is their lounge converted into an insane dancefloor!
You: No ways-I don't believe you, you lying toad!
Me: Look here:

And thats that!! So if there is a lesson I have learn't this is it:

• If you are going away- make sure, and make sure again that you are not going to miss a goat party..

So hurrah for hump day!! Of for a girls dinner (All I seem to do is ladies lunches, dinner, nights- Hmphhh- Jokes My Ladies I love it!)- and then hopefully if I haven't drunk enough wine to kill a small nation I will be hitting Tin Roof! Oh and another hurrah for tomorrow starting with a 'T'- time for a nice lunch!
I hope you all have an awesome mid week jump up!!

xoxo

Drive-ing me Crazy!!!

People I live outside of the city- I do this because its peaceful and I have lots of place for my horsie's! But do the pro's outweigh the cons? Mmmmmmmmmm- not so sure! I have a drive- lets call it The Drive every frigging morning! It's only about 25k's... (Not so bad hey?) Well it takes me 45 minutes to an hour! Averaging an amazing speed of +/- 25/30 k/h!! Sometimes I scream, sometimes I cry and sometimes I sit in a haze of my own smoke trying to calm myself down (before I personally throw cars off the road- I have had the offer before) But in any case- I have taken it upon myself to put an end to the unruly behavior on the roads! (So far I have one accomplice- but we only meet on the road every now and then- My Best Road Friend- I like him- he drives a nice big Nissan and basically reads my mind!) See 'our' plan below:

So when I do happen to meet up with MBRF we are like the A Team! Swerving from side to side- hooting- and much much more! Its fabulous- its so sad when we go on our separate paths after the roundabout! Long faces, a meek toot toot and a thumbs up! I don't know what we would do if the taxi's took a stand because he looks about 4ft tall behind that wheel!

Now you have more insight on why I am a bit 'crazy'! So all of you who can jump on a tube- read a book whilst going to work- count yourselves lucky!
:)
xoxo

Monday Blue's

Oh I hate Mondays!!! I am always in pain on a Monday- no no not from a hangski Goat- from polocrosse!! Gosh!! I just don't think it's worth it! But enough of that! Lets talk about the weekend!! Ok so I do have a limit and I do get tired so this may possibly be my most boring blog thus far!

Friday- I left work early- I was so tired and I had worked soooo hard all week and I thought I deserved the arvy off! (My boss was away- I hope he doesn't read this! :)) So this was my plan: Go home, Cuddle with The Little Dog and sleep all day and all night! But The People phoned and I missed The People very much and had to catch up!!! So I ended going all the way back into the city! ........ Tin Roof PUMPED- and that's an understatement! All the cool people were there! We had tha 'Bushman' from Marondella's dancing on the tables, The Ladies night in the corner and much much more! The way that place has boomed is chronic- but lets hope the ankle snappers don't take over! :) I would say from the ages 22 upwards- this is the place to go! I tried to catch some of the atmosphere on my phone but I wasn't very successful- my camera doesn't have anti-sway!

I LOOVVEEE the decor:

My Lessons from The Roof:

• Don't park on the edge of the line- some mofo will crash into you car and drive away! If you are reading this- i hope you stub your toe really badly!!
• You have to choose- cane or vodka- not one one!!! Or else you start talking about tea and useless stuff like that! (So embarrassing I can't divulge anymore info)- maybe when i know you better!
• Always stay at a place if its pumping- we did a round Harare trip to go to TJ's- saw the drunkest person in the whole world ever outside so turned around and went back! While we are on this point- My People if I ever get as drunk as that person in the car park- please take me straight to hospital to avoid embarrassment and injury! But I am happy to report that they got bounced!
• When a guy shows you his sound system- you must say  "oooohhhhh aaaaaaahhhh"! (I am actually talking about a sound system- not being hypothetical!!!) Ha ha
• When something comes around once a year you must go- even if you are going to be late- The Touch Bowl was reported to be 'Messy'! Messy is good- and now I am sad I missed it! :( (And don't worry about being the most sober person there - yes that was one of my worries- I work well under pressure.)
• I must stick to The BF's rules!!!
• I like sausage, but I'm off Chops! (Thanks to The Pom- brilliant!)
• This feeling I have right now- is why you must push yourself- you only live once!! :)

I am afraid to say the rest of the weekend was spent on the back of a horse!!! (Sigh) At least I can say the- The Young Belter took a tumble- I hope TYB gets better very very soon- he is playing like a rockstar! BUT the good news is I have now recovered!!! So this will be the last boring blog for about a month- I think I can handle a month- my bank can't but I'll sell a horse or something! :)

Have a good day people!

xoxo ( I laugh every time I do that)

Adventures of a Rhodie!

So I spent the last week in the beautiful Durban, and the not so beautiful Maritzburg and this is how it went!

Part 1- The Ellen.

I arrive in Durbs- good flight- all on time. (Not Air Zim obviously) and off I go with one of my bestie's- lets call her Ellen! We got ready quickly- and so the night began! First up- was some chow,a must- House of Curries on Florida Road! R26 Rotti!!!! Not only that- at the same time I was enjoying the amazing taste of a good old V n' C.. Ellen prefers a stiff C n' C! We were at a bar- but this just isn't enough- it never is with me (annoys the hell out of me) so off we go with the Back Up and is Unsingle friend! (Yes they were men- NO- no luck) Sasha!!! (Thats the night club) 3 dance floors- people everywhere (Especially when you are seeing double), dance music and more drinks!
After about two dance songs I was done- I had to have hip hop- so I went to make the request- the DJ was hot and the next song was what i had requested!!!!! WOOOWWW- I had to show my appreciation somehow! I know, I know- I'll get on the stage and 'shake that ass'!! How embarrassing! And it didn't help that Ellen kept saying- dont worry- do what you want- no one knows you! (This is probably why I had no luck- ha ha). And to be honest it didn't help that my wingman invented the Ellen DeGeneres- and believes she can do it over any table top- no matter how wide or high!!!!!

It was amazing- I miss Ellen so much i could cry right now!

Part 2- Queen Mee

I now had to leave my friendies and the light side of life for a few days of work! Trapped in a factory all day and a B'n B all night! (Or Not) I stayed in the most awesome hotel in Hilton! Here's a little snap of the entrance:

I ate, I drank the most amazing red wine, and i made a phone call to Ellen- please note Ellen resides in SA- it was a 3.48 minute call! R897!!! Seriously!! I almost fainted!! Needless to say I refused to pay- all it took was one death stare (the one I give the mini busses) and it was changed to R15!!!!! Phew!!

Part 3: Fish out of Water

On the way to the airport- The Carer- kindly dropped us for a little shopping centre called Gateway- there were 4 of us- two colleagues, The Carer and myself- I had run out of money so popped into Rennies to change some- I walk out- happy as Larry that I have a few bucks to spend! They have gone- they have left me in the hugest mall EVER in the whole world (thats how big it felt). I walked around (Or run) asking if anyone I seen them- NO ONE! Its been about half an hour! I am now walking around Gateway crying like a baby- I go to security- maybe they can help!

Security: What are they wearing?
Me: Jeans (sniff sniff wail wail)
Security: What do they look like?
Me: (Through the tears) Zimbabwean.
(This went on for a while)

She was annoyed by now and called the head of security:

S: Please look for three people in jeans who look like Zimbabweans. (According to Ellen this should have been enough info because apparently you can tell a Zimbo from a mile off!)

Anyway I found The Carer about half an hour later ( I have only just met this guy)! And I shout out- What the FFFFFFFF! (Imitating how I was going to ring his neck when I got close enough)! They hadn't even realised there was a problem! Smoke break for me!!!

Anyway i think thats enough for now! Have a good weekend- and here are some options:

Friday: Cricket @ Harare Sports, Honey Bear, TJ's, Tin Roof, Axiom.
Saturday: TOUCH BOWL @ Bryden, Tin roof
Sunday: Recover! :)

xoxo
Gossip girl to be (haha)

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I open my eye's and I know- I am on my way out! I must go to the hospital! With every heartbeat my head almost explodes- I cannot talk- in fact I can barely breath! Red wine is the enemy!!! And this is a note to self to stop trying to make friends with it! You know its bad day when you wake up like that, you haven't packed the right bra for the shirt, you go to Fruit and Veg City to get a smoothie- and because you can't decide you end up with a kiwi, melon, banana, grape, more melon and strawberry one! And now I have to blog about last night and i am trying to erase it from my memory!!!

So it was a girls night and it was my farewell- yes I am leaving! :( (For a week) :) I have photo's but I am too good a friend to post them! The place- it was amazing! Its a secret for now but I will let you know soon! The best bunny chow since Durban days, very very bad wine (I hope you got that) and even worse poeple! No, on a serious note- it was flipping amazing!!! I cannot wait till they are all sorted and I can tell you all about it!

But why oh why do i always have to go that 1 step (No make it 10 steps) too far! I went out- and dragged The People with me! It was a waste of time and helluva embarrasing:

Al- "Please just let us in for free- I am THE ZIM SOCIALITE! etc etc!" Oh how embarrassing can one person be in a night! Try this.....

• Sang! Loud! I did not even need a mic!
• Took the left over wine- but did not put the lid on properly! I am now hanging and I cannot open my handbag because I will hurl! Oh and my airticket was in the bag- and is now drenched.
• Tried to hook the friend up with oldest ugliest man- please forgive me- its hard to see with 'wine bottle goggles on'!
• Spoke about sex as thought I created it.
• Stated- "horse riders must be the best in bed!" (Did the whole motion and all)- I recall even 'smacking the pony!'- for goodness sake
• There was more but for now I can't remember!

So now- I am sitting at work- I walked the whole way to my desk with sunglasses on! I am now wearing reading glasses to try cover the bleeding eyes and I can just smell the red wine wafting out of my bag! It is going to be a very long day- at least I can set my aircon at the lowest temprature possible- the heat would kill me!

Hungry for Lunch? Or just a coffee??

Well yesterday I was in need of both- so I called 'My People' and we met at The Olive. (We often do this on days that start with a 'T') Wow- is all I can say- I took some photo's to try make it real, but it doesn't really do it justice- and the service is possibly the best I have had in ZW:

Inside and outside seating!

Need I say more??

Love and Hates! (On the road)

5 Things I Love:

• My hooter (As in the car one! :))
• Dual Carriage ways
• The death stare (Says more than words or signs ever could)
• Small fast cars! No I do not own one! But one day! The Bakkie just does not have the getaway speed.
• Power steering

5 Thing I Hate:

• Commuter Omnibuses
• Narrow tar roads with cliffs on the side.
• Learner drivers- they should have their own roads!
• People that laugh at me- when I am giving the 'death stare'.
• Parking in the centre of town!!!!!!!!!! (I do it everyday- a few times a day- it will be the end of me one day!)

Gone are the slim Zim days!

Oh my oh my! This is the end! The end of the skinny Zimbo days- the end of the 'Ahhhh look at this- I want to live in SA/UK/AUS!' It is the dawn of a new era!!! (Lion King music) There is a new Spar..... (Drum roll) Its called ---- THE BRIDGE:

It opposite OG's sports club so its easy enough to stop by to get some treats!!

Ok so my phone doesn't take the best photo's but let me explain! In there, there is cream filled cones- chocolate or vanilla- ring dognuts- dinki donuts- there's pie stands- cakes stands! (Its all to much- I am about to faint just thinking it!)

Ok here's the health section- very nice, very nice- but not nearly as exciting as the pastry sections!

Oils oils oils- wtf!! I thought there was just cooking oil- in the big 2 litre container!

Kind of like those oils. (That was so not on purpose) Here I just wanted to show you how lovely and full the isles are- if you stare into the distance you will also see there is a little colcom promo going on! :)
When I downlaoded my pics I lost the most important one of all!! They have Ghost pops!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I had proof! :( I will have to try again!

PS: Their pies are awesome- not the usual Zim pastry and gravy! There actually have some nyama too! The melon was also delish but next time I will definitely get something more mouthwatering!
xx

Guitar Hero- rock star!

I woke up on Saturday morning- I wanted to cry! I could not talk and I could hardly move my neck- and to make the day a little more magical it was the most miserable day ever recorded in Zim. (In my books anyway)…

No voice- sore neck?? Why? Well Evicted played at TJ’s- they are so so brilliant! But for some reason I thought that the louder I sang the better I sounded- and the harder I head banged whilst playing the air guitar- the more of a rock star I obviously was- but to be honest I have nothing on the Blonde Friend! JF you are a monkey person! Evicted you are AMAZING!!!!!

In any case- as we did last week we started at Honeybear! I just love that place- I think it’s my favouritest place (no 2^nd behind Crossways in Hilton!) and apparently the food is awesome (the Portuguese Chicken is the front runner)- I unfortunately usually skip Friday diner and settle for some crisps or popcorn! No one likes a full stomach on a Friday! :) I clearly remember saying that it is not a good idea to go out to TJ’s too early- it was a rookie error- bad news etc! People I did it again!!! This was the last time- I am now ignoring those antsy feelings and enjoying the here and now! Anyway as always TJ’s was awesome by 12 (I think that’s little people curfew and Honeybears closing time), and like I said before Evicted rocked- they played outside on the beach- but the 'dance' dance floor was still pumping inside- so it was a 'best of both worlds' situation. 

There is a NEW PLACE IN TOWN!! Tin Roof- its behind Triton Gym and apparently has a brilliant vibe- but I am yet to go but I will make a plan this week…

Well now for the personal stories! I have cut my hair off- like boy short off! I love it but this is how it went:

Al: Hi Mr Italian (Probably batted my eyelids, thinking I was extra cool)

Mr Italian: (Looks at me smiles sweetly) Al don’t worry in three weeks it would have grown a bit!

Al: (Stands in shock- usually has the quickest tongue. Walks away)

The replies I could have come up with!!!!(arrgg) But the brain was recovering from the head banging!! I was now leaving- with a very angry pixie look! And then there they were- two of the most fabulous people ever- my new BF’s! Two gay Croatian men! First of all they loved my little black number and my hair! They said I was way too stylish for zim! (Just what I needed)- and to top it off we had the same taste in men judging by the guys bums they chose to pinch! I got cheek cramp I laughed so much! These  guys- Mr Short with some fabulous makeup on- pinching these Rhodies bums- the reactions were priceless! I really hope I see them again!

Mr Short: Wow these Zimbabwean men just want to drink- I have never seen people drink this much in my life!

On Saturday as tired as I was I had two places to go to- first was a Glastonbeanie party! The outfits were brilliant- I hate not being dressed up- especially when I realized how cool the theme actually was!! Crazy poms I tell you- but the ‘social butterfly’ that I am I also had to go to the Arabs housewarming which was bought to an abrupt halt when The Arab crashed The Arabs BF’s car!!! Oooopppss!! Shame- and he was just being kind by taking someone home! Sorry The Arab- you will have to have another!

Here we have THE GlastonBeanie! Gotta love the braces, little shorts but above all the wellies!!! (See Below)

Happy to be home.....

Ok so no offense to the Zimbo’s that aren’t living in the mother land- but lets be serious with all the politics and all that goes on here- Zim still feels like the safest place in the world! My heart bleeds watching what is happening everywhere else- but it makes me really appreciate being here! And seemingly when the world ends- it will be one of the few safe havens! (Way to deep)

Now for a bit of a laugh- I went into a house today to get some business cards printed and it made my whole day, my stomach was laughing so hard but I had to keep a straight face! So you walk in and there in the middle of the lounge- next to the table is a giant albino tiger (the teddy bear type), green carpets and red curtains and snoopy the dog ornaments! I LOVE it!

 

Eat out- its worth it!

Let me just start by saying I am so wrecked! Wow- I do not have the stamina I used to! Old age! Ok so let me rewind a bit to my night at Millers- Ballantyne; it was fabulous! The food was amazing as was the vibe. So if that’s what you are looking for I would highly recommend it! Muscle starters and an Eisbien for the hungry! J In fact all the meals looked nyummy.

Then there was a Wednesday night- midweek, hump day etc- I had to do something! So I thought why not try out lime- you pay $20 to get in and drink all you want! Well let me tell you- you will not drink $20 in a night (Well I won’t anyway). Quite honestly I think it’s a load of refuse J! You can go to Coimbra for dinner and drinks for $20- but I had to learn the hard way! I also think that they should half the price after 10! (Poor suckers that came in at that time)- but it turned out to be a fab night! I discovered that there is such a thing as a perfect man- slight Irish accent beautiful to look at etc- but the chances are when you meet him you and your friend will be in such shock that you sit and stare like idiots and say things like “no we couldn’t have met you or we would have been googling over you”. Yes seriously- that’s a quote from KR- I sat there in shock because I didn’t even actually know what she meant! So there we were KR and myself speechless. (Which never ever ever ever happens)

Lessons:

·         Friends are so special- look after them.

·         Do not have a dance off against the local tart- no matter how awesome you are she will always get the votes!

·         There are such amazing people in this country!

·         There is some real rubbish too!

·         Learn to do the splits or something (I would have won if I had one more party trick)

·         Rather walk away than sit and stare!

·         You have to love the simbi (metal) driver license because ‘they’ actually can’t tell whose license it is!

·         If the cops stop you – BE COOL! They also have a sense of humor!

·         Oh and last one- ordering 5 starters is the way to go! So full of deliciousness.

Just to get it started

·         I would choose lasagna over chocolate.

·         I cry if I see people in old shoes.

·         I could watch people all day.

·         I smoke three a day- on a good day!

·         Red wine is my weakness.

·         I love fashion- but I can put together some hid outfits! (But why not- maybe one day they will be cool! J

·         I sit on my veranda by myself in the morning!

·         I love doing crazy things to my hair- at uni I even had pink hair!

·         I love big green gardens!

Have a Laugh!

Ok so let me fill you in- It did not go according to plan at all- but in any case it was still an awesome weekend! Besides the fact that I have a ceased back now and am walking around like a 90 year old!

So from the beginning- on Friday afternoon I was called to attend a Dominus Sport presentation, have some lunch and watch their new program ‘future stars’. They are doing such good work and to see those little kids playing with their ‘heroes’ was so special! But unfortunately the African sky’s opened so we had no choice but to run and hide in the Keg! Turns out it was only a quick shower but what can one do once they have ordered! So there we were KR, me plus three! It was great- we established the male versions of the more commonly used words such as bimbo, skank and tease! I think it was gym boys, cricketers and there was no equivalent of the later because men are too simple! (Or so we thought)…

As planned after this we went to Honeybear: It was amazing! There was such a nice crowd, good food and plenty of beverages- FOR FREE!!!!! I have never ever come across this type of promo in Zim - and I think from now on it should not be allowed!( They don’t put that little devil  on Brutal Fruits for nothing!) So KR and myself then decided that we had to go to TJ’s early- we had done this the week before and it was AWESOME! Well don’t do it- if you are over 20 DO NOT do iiiit! But it was all good- we danced through it and TJ’s is yet to disappoint! We literally got swept out! But please learn from my mistakes:

Here's to the weeekend!!!!!!!!!

The Good:

Now most people in this country (and in the world) always have something ‘good’ planned for the weekend! Well I am no different- my ‘good’ for this weekend is to go and watch people ride in the Bushman Rock half marathon. WATCH being the operative word- as no ‘good’ can come out of me riding 21k’s up magnificent hills- I can assure you! But I will support those who find it ‘fun’-as well as enjoying the amazing views, food but most of all the WINE!!!  I also fully intend to ride my horses on Saturday- it is my first official polocrosse practice- and I do believe I am going to get bucked off, flop off or retire due to extreme fatigue! And that’s not all people- I am also an avid golf player- all 36 extra shots of me! So I will be testing the beautiful Ruwa Country Club course- I have driven passed it and it looks magnificent! It may also have something to do with the fact that I got wind that its one of the ‘easier’ courses for a poor 36 handicap! I will report on this!

The Awesome: