PLANKING

FML I have never ever heard of anything so absurd in my life!! But we are going to get into this- I bet we could have the best 'planking' photo's eveeerrrr!!

Ok so there is a thing called planking! For those of you that are as slow as me:

Planking: is lying down in strange places and getting photo's taken.. I have taken it upon myself to find some of these pictures for you:

'Baby Plank'

If toilets are you thing- 'Toilet Plank'

And then if you enjoy the feeling of a big pole against you- 'plank' on a big pole!

And when in doubt- 'plank out'.

Imagine:

Boss: "Why is this work not done??"

Me: Planks out on my office floor!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

But never fear- if you think this is absolutely 'redonc' there may be something out there for you too:

OWLING:

PLOWING:

Guys PLEASE do some 'planking' this weekend and tag it to Zim Socialite (Facebook)! The winner will get a thumbs up!

Its about the team!!

I have that shitty back to school feeling- my boss is coming back and have have possibly achieved less than a fish out of water! Not because I am an underachiever- I am far from it- but because there is literally nothing for me to do here! Hence blogging! So here I am instead of doing things so I can pretend I did something- blogging!
I am yet to inform you on my 'acting/dancing/drinking skills' but I am still unable to talk about it- and I still have heart burn! Its been almost a week! I am also hoping to get some pictures of it first...

So I thought I would inform you of what I am up to this weekend! On Friday I will be holding hands in hope of my heart burn going away- and having the most insane sleep in! In the Frreee-eeffiinngg-zziiinngg weather all I want to do is eat and sleep!! (I hope its still cold!) All whilst of course supporting the Zim Polocrosse team whilst they clash with USA in Uk! Go BABWE!!!
After I have slept the majority of Saturday away I am hoping to throw a frock on- and my huge bomber jacket over it and head off to Borrowdale race course! With my man in tow? There I might possibly spend all $10 I have left to my name on one horse- hopefully win $100 back ---- and then get snotted!

Sunday Sunday Sunday! The day of rest- for me is a day of getting bashed around on my horse- which is the best way to get rid of a hangover- tried and tested by many! After which I will be opening a nutter and waiting for updates from our fellow Zimbo's in UK as I am sure Zimbabwe will be in the World Cup Final- either against SA or Aussie! This is huge guys- it only happens once every four years!! If they win- I will once again get snotted... (I know too well this is all a dream- I find it impossible to drink two days in a row so if zim get through Saturday will be booze free!!!!)

These guys have mad skill- My Skin Langarm and Crunch The Goal Machine!

So smart!! Sponsored by Johnstons!

I will keep you all as updated as possible on the scores- and then you can have a nutter too!

xoxo

240D Baby....

On my way to work today I saw something that literally made me laugh out loud for ages...


Please note the padlock- I am not sure of it's purpose besides looking totally AWESOME!!


A Mercedes Benz 240 D!!!!
Why is it so funny? Because it was my first car! Mine however- unlike this piece of shit car- was golden metallic in colour and it went like the wind!

NOOTT!!

But I loved it and thought I should share some of my best memories I have of her:

• When I first laid eyes on this car- I knew it was love but I had just got my license and my mum was not 100% on my ability yet! Pppffft I thought, so had a giant sulk until I was allowed to go to Greendale.. So off I went and now picture this-
• The springs on the right of the chair were collapsing! No actually they were collapsed, so my right bum sat far deeper. I also had to pump the clutch to change down, which happens to be the left leg- but the point was- I was totally in control of my destiny! So there I zoomed at about 40k's an hour- totally unbalanced, pumping my clutch- but with the fattest of smiles in my face!
• Firstly these 240D's are bloody huge- Once I was able to fit 9 friends into it! (sure some were in the boot- but that's the thing the boot is just as big as the back seat)
• Driving along thinking- 'Why is this helicopter following me?'- eventually stopping to see if it was trying to land on my roof, only to realise I had in fact had a blow out and felt nothing! My tyre now in shreds!
• Having to build up internal fuel energy to overtake people- only on a downhill though people! Forget the flat road and up hills.
• So ol' Goldie was quite temperamental and sometimes I would come out of classes and she would just be too tired to start.. You can try pushing a 240D but let me tell you- you will fail! They are like army tankers! So i had to park next to a friend everyday just in case I needed a jumpstart! Which was actually most amusing in the beginning as we didn't know you could let the two thingy's touch once the other end is connected.

So i am quite glad i didn't end up with old turquoise up there- Goldie was just perfect!!

Wait till my stories on my next car- The Langa!!!

xoxo

Think Before you Act!

I am not sure when/how/why I thought it would be a hoot to do an act in a variety show- but I did! I have tried to pull out countless times but seemingly you should never say you will do things with out fully thinking it through! Now it's tomorrow (The show) and I am having constant sweats and I have been unable to sleep for days!!

So we have come up with an act where we don't actually have to be in sync, learn a proper dance or anything like that! Sounds easy hey?
WRONG!!!
Knob scone over here said: "I have a great idea- I will go on stage and get the crowd going and jump up and down and stuff"
Easy hey? WRONG!
I am sure I have mentioned before- but when I have to public speak I forget to swallow my spit! So have to stop and glug it down and carry on- its helluva embarrassing! And now I have to talk, swallow my spit and jump around and stuff!
That is not all people!
Knob Scone over here: "I will do the shuffle!"- you know that LMFAO shuffle!
So last night I got my takkies on and waited for the song to come on!! People if I can do one and a half moves that is a lot! Shit shit shit!!!!!!!! And its not like its just 50 people- all family and friends that will clap because they feel sorry for me! No no- KSOH is doing it for 340 people! 340 effing people- that is like ALL my facebook friends- that is a lot of people!!!!!

So please pray for me- seriously- ALL pray for me!! Or feel free to donate me a bottle of Jaggi, Tequila and After shock! (Please note 'and' not ''or') As i am quite the entertainer once I have drunk enough to kill a cow/country/continent!

So if you are going- please clap sympathetically for the 'Party Rocker'! But quite quickly if you could- there is nothing worse than a slow sympathetic clap!!!!

xoxo

Mouths of babes...

So I went to Nyanga with my family this weekend- it was so amazing! I think it may be my favourite place- cuddles or no cuddles it is so peaceful and stunning! All I did was walk, sit, eat, smoke and drink wine! (I am quite talented at all of that except walking!) And I also discovered that fly fishing is NOT for me! How?

My Daddy sets up a rod for me but dash's off (I think this was so that he would not have to teach me). I also noticed once I got down to the waters edge he paddled his boat just far enough away so he could act like he couldn't hear me swearing, carrying on and of course the one million questions I had about fly fishing! I now realise I would have done the same.
So there I am- this long bendy rod- three different types of line- flicking it back and forward! You can't even let the line go like 'casting' so the stupid fly is landing by my feet!

Daddy then hollers from the other side of the lake: "10 to 1 child, 10 to 1 and its not a wrist action- use your whole arm."

Being the obedient child I am I start flicking my arm from 10 to 1, the fly is now landing about 2 meters away from me 10cm deep water! But I won't give up- only because I am so sure I am going to catch a huge fish (Beginners luck) so I get the dumbest idea ever!!!! Take off my shoes, hike my tracksuit up and treck to a little rock in the dam! Well to say that it was cold would be a lie- it was so effing freezing I am still struggling with pins and needles. So there I was- fly fisher of the century- standing on a rock flicking my arm 10 to 1, my fly now landing about 4 meters in front of me in about 40 cm deep water!
Then the worst thing ever happened- my fly hooked on a weed thing! I pulled and pulled- NOTHING!
I had to get into the water to get the fly!!!!! I was done, done, done and walked home shaking and muttering! What a stupid sport!!!!! You can't even have a beer while fishing because you can't just throw your your line out an chill! So whats the point??? The fish are smaller- the admin is higher! I am cured from that type of fishing!!!
Next time I go fishing there this is how I will check:

Ok so other than that I went on many adventures with my nephews, played some poker and like I said drank some wine!!!

I just wanted to share some wise cracks from my nephews (3 and 4 year olds)

• Sits down heavily, "Arg I am soooo buggad"
• L: "Where are the others?" Me: "Fishing" L: "No the dark guy" ( The cook)
• L: " Arg I couldn't sleep, you guys were so noisey" (Think he has heard the adults say this before)
• Words learnt (I eventually had to explain that anything that came out of my mouth was not to be repeated! "Dumb ass" and "Poophole".

Ok well have a good Monday people! I will be spending my week practising for my act this weekend in the Variety Show!! (Ef)

See a couple more Nyanga pics on my Facebook wall- Zim Socialite. (This might help you understand why my fly getting stuck in the water was the end of my world as I knew it)

xoxo