Glowing! Or not....

Due to my beautiful sister being the "glowing" type of pregnant woman (3 times over) I truly believed I would be the same! Well I can safely say I was quite the opposite- I felt sick, tired, sore and was honestly the size of a house! But non the less it was an incredible journey! I loved the scans, baby kicks and...... ya that's a bout it!

I will share a few of my pregnancy stories with you- the first being the ultimate trip to SA for baby shopping! I was incredibly excited, as going to SA for shopping has always been my favourite thing and we were driving which was all the more exciting! A road trip!! It was fantastic- for about the first hour! Then it was a wee stop every half and hour and the arrival at the beautiful Border post. I am not exaggerating when I say the queue was up to the gate and there was people walking around with batons to smack you if you got out of line!! My feet looked like my son's feet do now (fat little sausages) and it was shit off hot! Standing with My Lover Man I reckon "Babe I am about to pull the pregnancy card!" all of about 7 month in! In reply he says "Doll I wouldn't do that just yet- look over there" Well there STOOD about a 11 month pregnant lady with a huge bag on her head!! Anyway it took us a rough 4 ours!! He is a very patient man for putting up with me for that long!!

I think this is my funniest preggie story! I was about 8 month plus pregnant and still working AKA waddling around shouting at people! On this particular day I had two quite important meeting on my way to work- and boy was I professional! Giving more than my 5 cents at every moment- basically being quite the little bossy slops (that's all my feet could fit into) Anyway I arrived at the office about 2 hours into my work day flopped onto my chair and to my shock and horror:::

YES!! Two wrong shoes!! Do they even look like they would feel the same to wear!!

On that note- I'm out for now!

xx

Pregnant- say what???

So I thought I would start my mothery story right from the beginning!
My Lover Man and I were living separately- him in beautiful Mutare and me in the 'big city lights'- we used to alternate weekends, which was hard but we were madly in love! Ok actually are madly in love!!

From now on my 'partner' will be referred to as MLM (My Lover Man)- because I cannot stand the word partner!! Partners are for business and stuff, not a baby daddy!!

On this particular weekend it was my turn to make the big trek to the hills! I arrived there quite late on Friday evening and to MLM shock and horror I still wasn't having PMS! (I am such a bag he keeps track of these things)
Two negative and two positive tests later (we were dithering wrecks) we decided to just go to hospital for a scan! Low and behold the scanner dude announced "yes there is something there, you are 6 weeks pregnant!".... Delighted/shitting load/ laughing /crying all at once!!!!

Rewind a few weeks---- now I obviously have no idea that I am preggo and you will never guess what I did???
I bought a whole new bed! One of my preggi side effects (even that early) was hips so sore I thought I may have to get them replaced! But instead of taking the drastic measure straight out the box I bought a new bed just in case it was from my mattress! #biggestwasteofmoneyever!! I also couldn't understand why I kept almost fainting off my horse!!

Anyway unmarried and whatever we were still over the moon! We are both fashionable people and we noticed everyone doing it this way round so decide to give it a bash.
Delighted!!!!---Until we realised we had to break it to the parentals!! F*#@^*#K

Picture this- we are on the way to my folk's house and MLM says "Babe please please just let me do the talking hey"- "Of course I will!" (He had to say it a few times because I have a nasty habit of doing all the talking!) So we all sitting in the lounge having small talk. MLM is procrastinating and he is shitting himself so much, his hands are shaking, he's fidgeting, going from pale to flushed and back again- I just couldn't do it so just shouted "I'm pregnant", like turrets case. Mum obviously just delighted... Dad on the other hand is silent- MLM is so pale by this stage. Dad then gets out of his chair and walks across to the drinks cabinet, I think he's going to pop some champagne or something, MLM thinks he is going to get a bottle to smash over his head! It was neither- he was just letting the news settle in and was chuffed in about 5 minutes- MLM was panting by then!

Well that's all for this time folks! (Still a bit rusty) Can't wait to share more of this magical time with you in my next blog!

Over and out! xx

Up and Running/Walking

Oh my gosh it has been some time since I did this!

Yesterday I went back and read a couple of blogs I had written- it was fantastic! But at the same time it was so shit scary realising how much life has changed in not such a long length of time!
I have made a drastic change from number one party animal to Mum that quietly sink a few bottles of wine every now and then! It would be a lot more frequent if I hadn't developed a hideous allergy to wine! I still drink it but OH MY the hangover!!!! Not sure if its the sulphur in the wine- or that flipping thing called age!

So seeing as I don't have the best imagination I have decided to steer my blogging away from those big city lights-mmmmmm #harare! But actually nothing much has changed in that sense- kids are still getting tanked at the Roof! Just not with my awesomeness!!!
I am now going to impress you with my stories of being a mother in this lovely place!

Basically I have gone from entertaining meatheads and meathead behaviour to being one of those people that fuel the arguments on Bhamba Zonke about the ridiculous behaviour!! JOKING!!! But you get the message right!

Watch this space!! :)

Peace out! x

Been a While!!

And how long has it been! Sheesh!! I am sorry to all my avid readers (about 5 of you)- I started a new job (And you knew that- because you are my family and best friends). Its an amazing job and I am happy to say I actually love getting up to go to work- I didn't even think that was possible!

Do you know what also happens- life changes- like you get a man and suddenly a nice dinner tastes better than a shot of Zappa! I on the other hand have not changed- I may have stopped filling my veins with booze- but like me as a person! I would still choose a Zambuca over a meal any day! I realised this last week at the one and only Tin Roof!! It was like a trip down memory lane- just way better decor and much more stable tables!
I went there to take part in the Skyy volley ball shin dig- and of course got out of hand! We had Skyy vodka shooters before the game- Jaggi's after, all whilst supping a bev all day! Needless to say we lost the volley ball! I am not actually sure 'lost' is the right word! Effed up is probably more suitable! 15-0 (Yes that's Fifteen Orro) and 15-9 in the second game! I think if we had made it into the third round we may have won a game!! The only problem being- one player was passed out in her mans car (snuggled up to a bit of sick) and the other went so pink/red she had to go home! I am not sure why- but that place has these effects- LOVED it!

Never mind the Fomo I then got and had to attend another 'lumo' benda! I clearly remember someone painting my face, tummy, hair and saying don't worry its washable! Then forgot to say jokes!! I the had a jumping (horse type) the next day (The boss was in attendance) and I had a huge yellow (paint) streak in my hair! I eventually had to pull my hair out!! ( I could have created that saying right there)

Anyways- I have so many stories and will try doing a blog once a week! I miss it!

Wait I have to share a quick gym story!! I started gym last week- mother effer I see those pearly gates every time I go!! I always wondered why gym kit is all black! Its simple!! Because any other colour shows up sweat- and there is a lot of that when you are so tired you see the gates! So so embarrassing, I am stretching like a ballerina staring at myself in the mirror! Boom- sweat patches where I didn't even know you could get sweat patches!! CRINGE!!! I ran out of that gym (which was close to impossible)

xoxo

PLANKING

FML I have never ever heard of anything so absurd in my life!! But we are going to get into this- I bet we could have the best 'planking' photo's eveeerrrr!!

Ok so there is a thing called planking! For those of you that are as slow as me:

Planking: is lying down in strange places and getting photo's taken.. I have taken it upon myself to find some of these pictures for you:

'Baby Plank'

If toilets are you thing- 'Toilet Plank'

And then if you enjoy the feeling of a big pole against you- 'plank' on a big pole!

And when in doubt- 'plank out'.

Imagine:

Boss: "Why is this work not done??"

Me: Planks out on my office floor!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

But never fear- if you think this is absolutely 'redonc' there may be something out there for you too:

OWLING:

PLOWING:

Guys PLEASE do some 'planking' this weekend and tag it to Zim Socialite (Facebook)! The winner will get a thumbs up!

Its about the team!!

I have that shitty back to school feeling- my boss is coming back and have have possibly achieved less than a fish out of water! Not because I am an underachiever- I am far from it- but because there is literally nothing for me to do here! Hence blogging! So here I am instead of doing things so I can pretend I did something- blogging!
I am yet to inform you on my 'acting/dancing/drinking skills' but I am still unable to talk about it- and I still have heart burn! Its been almost a week! I am also hoping to get some pictures of it first...

So I thought I would inform you of what I am up to this weekend! On Friday I will be holding hands in hope of my heart burn going away- and having the most insane sleep in! In the Frreee-eeffiinngg-zziiinngg weather all I want to do is eat and sleep!! (I hope its still cold!) All whilst of course supporting the Zim Polocrosse team whilst they clash with USA in Uk! Go BABWE!!!
After I have slept the majority of Saturday away I am hoping to throw a frock on- and my huge bomber jacket over it and head off to Borrowdale race course! With my man in tow? There I might possibly spend all $10 I have left to my name on one horse- hopefully win $100 back ---- and then get snotted!

Sunday Sunday Sunday! The day of rest- for me is a day of getting bashed around on my horse- which is the best way to get rid of a hangover- tried and tested by many! After which I will be opening a nutter and waiting for updates from our fellow Zimbo's in UK as I am sure Zimbabwe will be in the World Cup Final- either against SA or Aussie! This is huge guys- it only happens once every four years!! If they win- I will once again get snotted... (I know too well this is all a dream- I find it impossible to drink two days in a row so if zim get through Saturday will be booze free!!!!)

These guys have mad skill- My Skin Langarm and Crunch The Goal Machine!

So smart!! Sponsored by Johnstons!

I will keep you all as updated as possible on the scores- and then you can have a nutter too!

xoxo

240D Baby....

On my way to work today I saw something that literally made me laugh out loud for ages...


Please note the padlock- I am not sure of it's purpose besides looking totally AWESOME!!


A Mercedes Benz 240 D!!!!
Why is it so funny? Because it was my first car! Mine however- unlike this piece of shit car- was golden metallic in colour and it went like the wind!

NOOTT!!

But I loved it and thought I should share some of my best memories I have of her:

• When I first laid eyes on this car- I knew it was love but I had just got my license and my mum was not 100% on my ability yet! Pppffft I thought, so had a giant sulk until I was allowed to go to Greendale.. So off I went and now picture this-
• The springs on the right of the chair were collapsing! No actually they were collapsed, so my right bum sat far deeper. I also had to pump the clutch to change down, which happens to be the left leg- but the point was- I was totally in control of my destiny! So there I zoomed at about 40k's an hour- totally unbalanced, pumping my clutch- but with the fattest of smiles in my face!
• Firstly these 240D's are bloody huge- Once I was able to fit 9 friends into it! (sure some were in the boot- but that's the thing the boot is just as big as the back seat)
• Driving along thinking- 'Why is this helicopter following me?'- eventually stopping to see if it was trying to land on my roof, only to realise I had in fact had a blow out and felt nothing! My tyre now in shreds!
• Having to build up internal fuel energy to overtake people- only on a downhill though people! Forget the flat road and up hills.
• So ol' Goldie was quite temperamental and sometimes I would come out of classes and she would just be too tired to start.. You can try pushing a 240D but let me tell you- you will fail! They are like army tankers! So i had to park next to a friend everyday just in case I needed a jumpstart! Which was actually most amusing in the beginning as we didn't know you could let the two thingy's touch once the other end is connected.

So i am quite glad i didn't end up with old turquoise up there- Goldie was just perfect!!

Wait till my stories on my next car- The Langa!!!

xoxo